Happy 50th Birthday to Me!

I turned 50. It was quick, painless, and without too much fanfare. 

Truth is...I've been feeling like I turned 50 two years ago. Changing jobs and starting at several new places had already had me tackling the big questions — what do I want to do with the second chapter of my life? Do I see myself working another 15, 20, or 25 years?

My health prompted me to ask other questions. Did I go through perimenopause or menopause? Why do I often feel tired and forgetful? 

Last year, at age 49, I began seeking answers. My new career with our state community college system solidified that I want to work in higher education for the rest of my life — and, more, that I want to return to school to pursue higher positions (as I had before). I have just completed two fall courses toward my Doctor of Education and, surprisingly, am making it work — with my career, my son, my husband, my mom, and my friends and family.

I also learned that I am in menopause or even post menopause. With low hormone levels, I've been having the following symptoms:

• Hot flashes and night sweats
• Brain fog, difficulty concentrating, and memory problems
• Irritability, anxiety, and depression
• Joint pain, muscle aches, and weight gain, and
• Exhaustion and sleep disturbances

I changed my diet and started taking supplements to counteract these changes, but truthfully, I still experience a combination of these symptoms every day.  One day it might be exhaustion, depression, and brain fog--another day it might be anxiety, muscle aches, and hot flashes. I am continuing on a path to wellness and may write more about it at a future date.

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For my birthday, I had two requests. One was to go out to my favorite restaurant with my peeps — my mom, hubby, and Lewie.  The second was to go on a romantic weekend trip to Manchester, VT, with hubby.  Lucky for me--I got both my wishes!  

Here is our dinner at the GW Restaurant in Washington, CT.

For our trip to Manchester, VT, Lew and I stayed at the Equinox Resort. It was our first trip without Little Lewie since he was born 17 years ago!  I chose the resort because we knew it well — we went on vacation here fifteen years ago, when Lewie was less than two years old.  

It was interesting going to the same place without a toddler. For one, Lew and I had a chance to dine out at several restaurants and explore the town--something we didn't have the luxury of doing with a squirmy little one in tow.  Second, I had a chance to go for both a massage and a yoga hike! The massage was planned, but the yoga hike was completely spontaneous. The resort offered it as a complementary service. Once I learned the details (hiking half an hour uphill to a mountain lake for an hour of yoga before hiking back down), I was all in. The BEST part of the experience is that when I arrived at the meeting point on Monday morning, I learned that I had the yoga instructor all to myself. We clicked immediately, as if we had been best friends for an eternity, and she showed me a few gentle yoga moves I could do at home to unwind.

Hubby greeted me after my yoga hike for a soak in their outdoor hot tub—the view was spectacular — and then we took a dip in the pool. While we were swimming, an 80-something-year-old water aerobics instructor invited us to join her class, and we had the best time ever. At first, my husband, citing his recent knee surgery, tried to get out of it. She laughed: "Welcome to the club! I've had surgery on both knees." She was fun, energetic, and limber. We joined three other ladies (60+) and laughed as we paddled and kicked through the water. Now, at 50, I've begun to realize I have more in common with this group than with my seventeen-year-old son... I admired our aerobics instructor, wishing that if I'm ever lucky enough to be eighty one day, I hope to have her vitality!

Interestingly, when I first entered the pool area (before our water aerobics), I began to sob. Memories of being in there with Little Lewie fifteen years before flashed before my eyes. It was one of his first pool experiences, Daddy Lew and I taking turns pushing him on his float as he giggled and giggled. 

After a full ten minutes, I finally composed myself--I hadn't had a good, long cry like that in ages. Perhaps the businesses of life suppressed it. No matter, it was needed. When we get older, we miss, of course, the youthful days of our childhood and our twenties. This cry wasn't about that. It was a longing for my thirties, the days of being a wife and a mom for the first time. Oh, how I wish I could relive those moments of Lewie's toddlerhood, even for just a day... The pool may have been empty, but my mind saw Daddy Lew, Little Lewie, and me in there splashing away like no time had passed at all...

During our trip, we also had a chance to drive to the Hildene, the Lincoln family home, after President Abraham Lincoln's death. We visited this place before, when Lewie was five, but the experience was different now that there were just the two of us, meandering around the property at our own pace. (I made sure to visit the gift shop before leaving--purchasing Vermont's specialties: yummy chocolate, maple candy, and cheddar cheese curds.)

On the last day, I had a chance to saunter around the Northshire Bookstore, a must-see not only for book-lovers but also for coffee drinkers, bakers, record-enthusiasts, crafters, and home decorators. (I bought a book called Keep Your Brain Alive by Katz and Rubin--the perfect self-gift for a 50-year-old that wants to remain sharp and relevant.)

Our trip lasted only two nights, but I arrived home feeling well-rested to tackle the last two months of the semester. (Well, almost... during my massage, the door to the massage room kept mysteriously opening. "What's going on?" I asked quizically as my masseuse closed it for the second time. "It's probably just the ghosts," she said, half serious, half laughing. "You know this place is haunted.") On my last night at the hotel, I slept with a few lights on... still, it was the perfect trip to welcome in a new decade.

Happy 17th Birthday, Lewie!

Earlier this week, my "Little Lewie" turned 17! Gulp. I knew time was flying, but honestly, I didn't realize this year would bring such a dramatic shift — not just for him, but for all his friends who turned 17 as well.

For starters, all his friends not only started driving this year, but they also started driving back and forth to school in their own cars. By March, one friend had started working at a specialty grocery store called LaBonne's Market, and before the end of the summer, his other two friends joined him — one also securing a position at LaBonne's and the other working at a grocery store called Big Y. 

This past year, we were able to secure two "boys' trips," allowing Lewie to spend valuable time with his friends — one to Salem, MA, and one to Rehoboth Beach, DE. However, after these trips, Lewie's friends' work schedules took over. This meant no more sleepovers, night swimming in the pool, ice-cream stops at the local farm, amusement parks, or even boat tubing! Honestly, it was a real drag (at least, for me). Lewie still went to Lake Compounce with his cousins and got to celebrate his birthday with them, but I was heartbroken to see his friends growing up so fast. I thought we still had a year or two left for sleepovers!

This year, Lewie turned into a young man. Don't get me wrong--he's still super silly (just like his father), but all of a sudden, I noticed him needing me less and less. For starters, I didn't have to intervene with his schoolwork or teachers this year — in fact, he forbade me from contacting any of them. Instead of helping Lewie create flashcards, prep for exams, or contact teachers whose assignments seemed unclear, I sat on the sideline as my son advocated for himself. Initially, it was tough to give up control, but as he started pulling straight As and High Honors (even making the Math National Honor Society in April), I realized it was ridiculous for me to impose on his studies. (In fact, one of the reasons why I decided to go back to school myself is exactly because Lewie didn't need the same help from me anymore.)

He signed up for the ski team and boys' tennis again this year and requested a private tennis tutor to help him improve his game. (We're starting the tutor in two short days.) On September 5, he has a doctor's appointment scheduled to examine his lungs. On some days--not all--his left lung gives him pain or feels "small"--like it's not filling up with enough air. Lewie is typically fine playing matches with his friends, but during one actual game against a rival high school, he began to feel short of breath. Finding a pediatric pulmonologist and scheduling an appointment took months, which is the reason why we had to wait until after the summer to finally have a visit.

The boys on the tennis team!

Two milestones for Lewie this summer included attending his final year at ID Tech Camp and getting his driver's permit. For ID Tech Camp this year, he completed Game Design and Development 101 with Unreal Engine. His transcript says that in completing his last class, he demonstrated proficiency in the following areas:

• Designing a successful game project
• Making gameplay Blueprints
• Creating pickups and collectibles
• Building a room using brushes
• Painting landscapes
• Creating a platformer game
• Designing a custom level
• Creating a health system
• Playtesting a game
• Implementing and providing feedback
• Adding checkpoints and respawns
• Adding materials to a custom model
• 3D modeling a prop from a reference
• Adding a particle system
• Adding a sprinting system
• Adding foliage
• Changing the properties of a light
• Creating 3D models using basic shapes
• Creating a game design document
• Creating player health UI

Lewie's Coffee Game

Lewie created a coffee shop simulation. The goal of the game is to serve coffee to customers as quickly as possible. The player can drink coffee to become quicker, but this, in turn, will make them "jittery." Thus, it becomes hard for the player to hold the coffee without dropping it! He was so proud to show me how he coded the "jitteriness" into the system, as well as what happens when players spill the coffee. He had to find or create his own props, too, including a coffee maker, creamer, and the like. On the second day of camp, Lewie told me his camp counselors said he codes better than they do!

Technically, Lewie can attend ID Tech Camp again next year. He doesn't "age out" until 18, but he's taken most of their courses, and at this stage of the game, he's typically the oldest "camper" in his class. In fact, this year, he felt like he had more in common with the college kids teaching him than his classmates. On the last day, I urged Lewie to find out where his camp counselors attend college, and then I even asked a few of them myself. I also inquired about Lewie becoming a camp counselor — he would be too young next year, but it might be a possibility for him the following year.

Just a week ago, Lewie passed his driver's permit test. My patient boy waited until I could sort out our finances. Truthfully, I had wanted him to begin driving lessons and tennis lessons earlier in the summer, but I couldn't make it work, especially since I lost the revenue from a summer class I used to teach. Sure, we could have cancelled our summer trip to Rehoboth to pay for these things, but in my mind, the trip was more important. Our goal is to spend the entire year helping Lewie master the art of driving. There's no rush. Our high school is only ten minutes away, and if he doesn't get there by bus, he can always rely on Grammy to bring him or pick him up.

On Lewie's birthday, I always interview him to see how much he has changed from one year to the next. This year, Lewie happily agreed to participate, even being a bit gabby. (He has become quite the conversationalist this year.) Some of the questions seemed a little infantile, but I asked them anyway. I might stop when he turns eighteen. I'll see how I feel about it next year.

Q:  What is your favorite color?
A:  "It's actually a mix of colors. The four I really like are purple, green, blue, and orange. There's something just so appealing to using these four colors. They inspire me." (I should mention here that Lewie loves graphic design. He will be taking this class for his third year in a row. He loves shapes, colors, images, fonts, and more, and he's incredibly talented! In fact, our school superintendent asked Lewie to create a new logo for our school system. He loved it so much that he gave Lewie a $50 gift card as a reward for his hard work.

Q:  What is your favorite thing to do at school?
A:  "Walk around the halls, sleep in chemistry, and socialize--I really enjoy talking to people." (Yes, Lewie said his chemistry teacher was so dull, he would often fall asleep during his lectures...I certainly didn't condone it, but I know kiddos his age have a hard time staying awake when they have to wake up at the crack of dawn.)

Q:  Who is your favorite teacher?
A:  "Ms. Jackman." He had Ms. Jackman for history during his first year of high school and wasn't sure about her teaching style. However, by the end of his freshman year, he had grown to love her because she not only had the students listening to the BBC but also answering engaging questions about social issues. This year, he's excited to have her for Sociology.

Q:  What is your favorite sport?
A:  "I like skiing, but the weather was consistently bad this year." (Yes, he was supposed to have Ski Club on Thursdays, but almost every Thursday, the weather either rained or sleeted with little to no snow.) "I like volleyball, and I would be on a team if we had one. Tennis is my favorite."

Q:  What is your favorite food?
A:  "French Toast."  Lewie was extremely excited this year because his favorite restaurant, Friendly's, started serving breakfast again. (They stopped offering a breakfast menu during COVID and never went back until now.) "I should get their French Toast recipe; I think their secret ingredient is crack cocaine." (Lewie makes this joke because Daddy Lew often makes it....) 

Q:  What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
A:  "Cookie Monster." This is a favorite flavor at a farm near us--Kris Farm. I was surprised by his response because I mostly know him to request chocolate or birthday cake flavors.

Q:  What is your favorite video game?
A:  "I think this year I had the most fun playing Deltarune."

Q:  What is your favorite book?
A:  Lewie enjoyed reading Farenheight 451 by Ray Bradbury in his English class this year. He chose We Were Dreamers by Simu Liu for his summer reading. As for his favorite book, he mentioned that he likes House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. He likes it because of its experimental writing, combining elements of design and word mazes on each page. He admits that he's only read a few pages — instead, he admires it more as a piece of art (since he's into graphic design).

Q:  What is your favorite cartoon?
A:  "'The Amazing World of Gumball.' Now I understand adult humor and the cultural references behind it."

Q:  What is your favorite movie?
A:  Lewie couldn't think of a favorite movie, so instead, he provided me with information about his favorite show. "It's Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's action fiction and provides a monumental breakthrough for culture. It combines experimental styles of art and design. It presents characters' past experiences in an interesting way. It's a great mental piece and uses references to religion. The sound design in the show is amazing! I don't really have my thoughts formulated to go deeper."

Q: What is your favorite place or vacation?
A:  "The Grand Canyon. Home is a favorite place for me with our pool. We didn't do a whole lot of traveling this year because of my lung."

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A:  "Something to do with digital art and computers." He thinks he wants to choose a college that offers majors in Computer Science and Music and Sound Recording.

Q:  What is your favorite saying this year?
A:  Lewie likes to make a lot of sound effects. If I make a mistake or forget something important, he will wag his finger at me, shake his head, and say 'Tisk, Tisk'; however, it sounds like 'St, St, St, St.' Another way he teases us is by pretending he doesn't know what's going on. Example: Lewie, did you eat the last brownie?" "WHAAT?"  "Lewie, did you leave your dishes in the sink?" "WHAAT?" Daddy Lew says Lewie often calls him "Bro" as in "Bro, you need to listen to this!" Finally, Lewie often uses the word "Maybe" as a substitute for "No."  If I ask him if he wants to take a walk with me and he responds, "Maybe," he really means "Nope."

Q:  What was your favorite moment as a sixteen-year-old?
A:  "Just that I'm alive. After my lung collapse, I've gotten so much motivation. It's got me into caring about things more, such as practicing every day with music production, writing, arranging, and composing."

Lewie has definitely become more social this year; he's also become a deep thinker--asking me questions about politics, sociology, psychology, philosophy, and religion. We've had more than one discussion about the benefits and challenges of social media, AI, cryptocurrency, etc. I'm excited for him because he's starting to show the type of curiosity that extends beyond high school learning and even college — he's setting himself up to be a lifelong learner! 

Lewie is also an old soul — kind, hardworking, loyal, patient, and empathetic. He's grateful for the things he has, doesn't complain when we ask him to help us, and is super loving. When he leaves the room after any conversation, he's quick to say, "Love you."  He's the peacemaker in our house and among his friends with absolutely no drama. Can you tell I love this kid?

I'm excited for Lewie's junior year. This year, he'll be exploring colleges, practicing driving, taking tennis lessons, and working hard on his studies (with three AP classes)! At the same time, I hope we can schedule in some fun — maybe another boys' trip?   Whatever we do, I hope to savor the moment because his high school years are going by way too fast!

Change

I'm finally catching my breath after two very busy months. Everything is good, really good, but ever since the end of August, I feel like time sped up three-fold--maybe even quicker!

In mid-August, after completing yet another interview for a higher education position, I finally heard the words I had been waiting for over the past two years: "You're hired."  

"I'm hired?" I repeated, worried I might have heard the lady on the other end of the phone wrong.

"Yes. Sarah and Tamika would like you to begin on August 23rd. Does that work for you?"

August 23rd was less than two weeks away. I would have liked more time to spend with Lewie before he started school again this year. I would have liked more time to tell the Board of Directors at the Land Trust. I would have liked more time to get my life in order, but the words, "Yes, that's perfect," came out of my mouth. I could hardly believe what I was saying... Was I really ready to begin a new job again after working a little over a year at the Land Trust? 

Daddy Lew, Little Lewie, and my mother were all happy for me. They knew I missed higher education and was eager to go back to a position that was familiar. My year at the Land Trust had been interesting, but I felt like a fish out of water for most of it. I learned a lot about conservation, but, at the same time, I never felt like I knew enough to make a difference. Perhaps more knowledge would come in time, but for a full twelve months, I felt inadequate, and it weighed on me. 

On Friday, August 23rd, I started my new position, and on Monday, August 26th, Lewie started his sophomore year of high school. That same week, I started teaching two classes while helping train a new Executive Director at the Land Trust.  Before long, there was Meet the Teachers Night (where I contracted COVID and gave it to my mom).

On Sept. 16th, my husband turned 54 (I still had COVID), and then my birthday, my mom's birthday, and my niece's birthday all occurred from Oct. 3 - 11.  If that wasn't enough, Lewie was given a list of requirements to complete his Confirmation on Oct. 6th. There was a class, a retreat, a paper, an exam, and then preparation for his big day, which included buying him a new suit and shoes and a gift for his sponsor. 

For the following weekend, I had pre-purchased tickets to take my mom on the "Turkey Train" in Lake Winnipesaukee, NH on Saturday, and on Sunday, Lewie had a special Confirmation mass at our home parish. On Oct. 19th - 20th, I was asked to travel out-of-state for work. Yes, that's right. After working in my position for less than two months, I was asked to travel to Virginia to learn about an innovative associate's to bachelor's degree program (called ADVANCE)  between Northern Virginia (NOVA) Community College and George Mason University. It was an AWESOME trip, where I had a chance to visit two college campuses, learn about their unique transfer program, make friends, and explore Merrifield, VA.

Here are some highlights from the past two months of fun, excitement, and pure craziness.

1) Lewie's first day of Grade 10:

Since Lewie's first day, the three of us, Little Lewie, Bruce (our dog), and I, have a regular morning routine. I shower at 5 am, Lewie wakes up for 6, and Bruce comes over from Grammy's side around 6:15. I pack Lewie's lunch, make his breakfast (usually a fruit and yogurt parfait), and give Bruce a sweet potato chew. Lewie eats his breakfast around 6:30 and then brushes his teeth and flies out the door to meet the bus around 6:45. Depending on the weather, Bruce usually flies out the door to greet the bus, too. He stops at our fence and tries to play a game of chase with the cars behind the bus. It's pretty silly.

So far, Lewie has been loving his Sophomore year. I just finished parent-teacher conferences, and his teachers had so many wonderful things to say about him and his class participation. I don't want to jinx his awesome record, but so far, he may receive As in all his classes, including some challenging ones like Algebra II, Chemistry, and AP Computer Science. 

2) Lewie's Confirmation:

A few years back (after COVID), our Archdiocese decided students from all towns should come to the Cathedral of St. Joseph in Hartford (our state capitol) to make their Confirmation. This was an unwelcome change for many, who would rather have the Confirmation performed at their church instead of making a long drive to an unknown cathedral.

Because of this long drive, we were worried about asking a sponsor to support Lewie. Would one of our family members or friends really be interested in giving up most of their Sunday for this event? As it turned out, Lewie's Aunt Missy volunteered to be his sponsor, and all of Lewie's cousins came to the cathedral. It was her birthday, too!  At the end of the ceremony, we had a little party for Lewie at our favorite restaurant, and I made sure to surprise Aunt Missy with a birthday cake. It was the least I could do!

Lewie, me, and Aunty Missy with the Bishop. Lewie chose the Saint name, Nicholas, since Saint Nicholas is the Saint that inspired the story of Santa Claus.

They used lots of incense.

Our restaurant celebration.

The very next weekend, Lewie was invited to come to a special mass at home to honor our new Confirmants. I made him get dressed in his suit again, but shortly after we arrived, we saw that the others were dressed pretty casual. Lewie just gave me an angry glare--mostly to be funny. How was I supposed to know this wasn't a dress-up event? Oh well! At least I was able to get some nice pictures with him at our church--the church where Lewie received all of his sacraments and the church where I received mine, too.

3) Mom's Surprise Birthday Party:

My mom turned 80 last year, and she made me promise that I would NOT have a birthday party for her under any circumstances. We could celebrate her birthday at home with us, but that was it. This year, in January, my mom was forced to retire after working 30+ years in insurance. The company she worked for, CDR, was bought out by a new insurance agency, World Insurance, which no longer supported my mom's part-time work. She was told she could either work full-time again or leave the agency. It was a blow to my mom who liked working from home to make a few extra dollars. It was a further blow because she lost her work family. 

In August, a few of my mom's work friends suggested we get together for her birthday. I knew my mom didn't like surprise parties, but I also knew my mom missed her work friends terribly. This would be a chance for her to see all or most of them again at one time! I made arrangements at a restaurant and concocted a story as to why we were taking her out to eat. She wasn't buying it. "I hope we're not having a party," she said to me.

"Okay...we might be meeting with a few others, but they are the ones that came to me. I didn't arrange it," I answered.  I was upset I had to give away the plan, but in the end, she was SURPRISED. She only thought we were meeting up with two people. She became pretty emotional when she saw a table of ten waiting to greet her. 

It was the perfect party as it felt like a reunion. Most of my mom's work friends from 30, 20, and 10 years ago had left World Insurance, too, so they were all happy to celebrate my mom while getting caught up with each other's lives. The best part was when I had a chance to read her friends' text messages to me. Here is just one among many texts I received from her work friends: "Annette, thank you for having us all. Sharon is priceless; I adore her and am blessed to have her as a second family. She truly is my second mom. She is an amazing friend and confidant and the most honest and trustworthy human being I have ever known. I am blessed to have her in my life. The world is a better place with her in it."

4. The Lake Winnipesaukee Turkey Train:

My mom's birthday gift was a one-day bus trip to climb aboard the Lake Winnipesaukee Train for a delicious turkey dinner while overlooking the lake. I knew there would be a lot of sitting (six hours on the bus altogether) and another 1.5 hours on the train, but I also thought it would be a good trip for my mom who's been having some difficulty with her legs and feet.

The minute I presented her with the gift, she wasn't happy. "That's too much sitting," she argued. "I'm old. I can't do trips like this anymore." For the week leading up to the trip, I had come to the conclusion that I would just go on the trip by myself or maybe beg Lewie to join me. (My husband couldn't go because he needs a full knee replacement surgery.) In the final hours before leaving, my mom decided to go with me after all, and although it was a LONG day, she did have fun. We both had fun, and the turkey dinner was delicious--so was the ice cream at the Kellerhaus, a unique gift shop in Laconia, NH. 

Our first stop was The Common Man Roadside Donut Shop Hookset Rest Area.

We sat by two ladies (around my mom's age) who were larger than life. The two of them travel every week and do ballroom dance competitions with Arthur Murray Dance Studios. The lady next to me had fun memories of her childhood years at Lake Winnipesaukee.  I loved talking with her!

5. A work trip to Virginia:

Last weekend, I went on a work trip to see two college campuses in Virginia and learn about their exciting transfer partnership called ADVANCE.  I was not slated to go as I am an Assistant Director, but nonetheless, my boss couldn't make the trip and asked if I could go in her place. I knew there was a lot going on at home, but at the same time, I felt "important" to be going on this trip, and was really excited to make new work friends. (I felt like I hadn't had a work family since the departure from my last college position in 2022.)

I was surprised by how much I loved both the George Mason University and NOVA (Northern Virginia Community College) campuses. They were lively, beautiful, modern, and thoughtfully designed. For example, Mason had a maker space with 3d printers and sewing machines. I could look down at the operation as there was a glass wall to peer at everything going on from above. Students were hard at work sewing costumes and coding on computers. Mason also had tons of outdoor spaces for students to hang out and eat--Starbucks and Panera being two of the many restaurant choices. 

I wanted to have a picture taken with their "food robot." Little Starship here
(there are a fleet of them)ride around to bring food orders to their student customers.
The robots have sensors, so they are very careful not to get in anyone's way.

The NOVA campus we visited (there are six campuses in all) was home to 14,000 students. There were multiple buildings, aesthetically arranged, which made the community college feel welcoming. Their student center was perfect with an Information Desk, Campus Safety/Student IDs, Business Office, Financial Aid/Financial Stability Office, and Advising/Counseling/Career Counseling all in one location. Seats were arranged in the center of the building (reminding me of an airport), so students could study or work on their computers while waiting to be seen. The Financial Sustainability Office had someone available to help students get resources to SNAP and housing; they also had a food pantry, career closet, etc. to help struggling students, too. (We have them, but their locations are not always easy to find...)

The work visit was fast and furious, but it accomplished what I hoped it would do. I had a chance to learn about the latest trends in transfer partnerships, make new friends, and even get to explore. The Mosaic District of Merrifield is super trendy and happening!  I felt fortunate to have this experience.

In the midst of this fun-filled blur, I also turned a year older. I'm not the big 50 yet, but it's constantly on my mind. I've spent the past two years trying to reinvent myself, and I'm still asking the question, what's next? Will this be the year that I go back to college to pursue an Ed.D.?  I'm not sure, but I think I might be ready to take the leap. Who knows? Maybe I'll be going to college the same time Lewie does. The universe works in mysterious ways...