Independence Day

We had a nice Independence Day weekend with friends and family.  On Friday, we frolicked on the beach and watched fireworks.  On Saturday, we had a typical summer barbeque at my in-laws, and on Sunday, Lewie saw his kindergarten friends again at a birthday party.  (It's been almost three weeks since his graduation, and boy was he happy to see everyone again.)

Lewie and Cousin Sarah

Our little family waiting for the fireworks at Jennings Beach.

This summer weekend was filled with all the simple pleasures in life--simple pleasures that I sometimes take for granted because we live in this great country.  My son appreciates Independence Day because it means friends, family, fireworks, swimming, cup cakes, and ice-cream.  Me too!  However, the 4th is one of my favorite holidays because it means so much more. 

On Independence Day and everyday, I want to remind my son of all the blessings we have because we live in the United States of America, and we are protected by our men and women in uniform.  Sure, we have political leaders at the local, state, and national level that are corrupt and in politics for selfish reasons, but this doesn't change the fact that we still uphold the ideals presented in The Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, & the Pursuit of Happiness."

In this great country, opportunity knocks wherever we look. We are all granted the right to receive an education (regardless of sex, culture, economic status, or religious beliefs).  We are granted the right to pursue our own vocation in life.  We can choose where we live and who we marry.  We can practice our own religious beliefs and support our own causes.  Most importantly, we can determine what "happiness" means for us, and we can pursue it!  We can listen to our hearts, follow our dreams, and utilize our full potential!

Yes, we are lucky to live here--to live in a land where the only thing that ever holds us back from reaching our potential is our own negative feelings of fear, anger, resentment, or self-doubt.  The pursuit of happiness is a beautiful thing--one day I'll have my son define it for himself, and then, because we live in this great country, I will step back and watch him soar!

Bossy

I have to say that the "two's" are unpredictable.  One minute my little guy is as charming as can be--listening to me and even helping me around the house.  The next minute he's screeching on the top of his lungs, throwing punches, and kicking because he's not getting his way.  Usually scenario number two happens when he's tired, but sometimes it just plain old happens.  Since he's a strong, solid little boy, I sometimes I have a hard time "making him" do what I want and yet, he has to learn that what mommy says "goes."  (My chiropractor is going to have to make a lot of adjustments this month.  My back has especially been thrown out of whack from all the times I've had to try and carry a 45lb screaming, hitting, and kicking toddler from the park swings to my car.)

Still, the most interesting part of this age is his desire for independence.  He wants to do everything and call the shots, and I find myself more often than not questioning who is the "real boss."  "Don't be so bossy," I find myself telling Little Lewie at least once a day.  He constantly tells me, "Mommy I do.  No Mommy.  I do.  I do it.  I do it."  This can include everything from opening our house door with a key to wanting to be the one to sit in the driver's seat.  If he had it his way, he could get his driver's license (or at least his permit) by age two!

In some cases when he feels like I'm threatening his independence, he will tell me to "Sit down" or "Stay there."  Like a cautious mom who's afraid he's going to dump milk all over himself (including the kitchen counter), I hover, and he can't stand hovering.  "No Mommy.  I do.  I do.  Stay there.  Sit Mommy.  Sit down."

So, what can I ultimately say about his bossiness?  Well, sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's annoying, and sometimes it just makes me late for work.  It's thrilling to see him have an interest in so many things and to be able to do things by himself, and yet, it's tough because there are many, many things that he just can't do at age two.  Ultimately I want him to learn to do things for himself, so I do my best to give him some free reign.  Still, there are some mornings that I wake up wondering, who's the one that's really calling the shots?

Here are a few pictures I managed to take yesterday at the park before he insisted that he wanted the camera.  "No Mommy.  I do."

Independence

Right now, my twenty-two month old is just starting to grasp the notion of independence. Ever since he started walking at 14 months (yes, he was a late bloomer in that area), he’s been testing the limits to see how far he can go from his mom and dad’s reach. When his mind is made up to do something and we prevent him, he struggles with us. He either pulls or tugs to get out of our reach or he goes into a full blown tantrum with head hitting the floor, feet kicking, and lungs screeching.

In his little world, Mom and Dad are the people who love him most, but we’re also the tyrants—the ones that keep him from being able to experience full fledged freedom. His little mind is incapable of rationalizing why Mom and Dad set rules and boundaries. Why can’t I jump on the couch? Why can’t I run in the road? Why can’t I play with this toy that I found on the beach?

Independence, obviously for us, has a different meaning. As a kid and a teenager, I never understood the importance of the concept. After all, I was born in a country and in a family situation where I could get an education, go to college, pursue a career of my choice, marry a person that I love, and have a family of my own to provide for, love, and nurture. I was raised with these values/principles and assumed everyone had them.

It wasn’t until I went to college that I realized these “inalienable rights” weren’t everyone’s reality. I slowly learned that even United States citizens didn’t always live the same reality that I did.

“What do you mean you can’t marry someone unless they are Indian?” I asked my best friend.

“My family wants me to marry someone from my own race, religion, and culture,” she answered. “If I disobey their wishes, they’ll be highly disappointed in me, and I will have disgraced the family.”

“But I thought you said that you didn’t like Indian men?”

“Well, I’m not that attracted to them, but my family has arranged a few dates for me, and well, you never know. Maybe I’ll find someone that I like.”

I had other friends or knew of other people (mostly women) who were discouraged from going to college or pursuing their dream career. They, too, were born and raised in the United States, but their families grew up in cultures where women were not encouraged to be independent or to do things for themselves. I was shocked.

Today I hold my “inalienable rights” that I grew up with to be dear and sacred to my heart. I feel blessed and lucky to have been given the opportunity to go to college, to pursue a career of my choice, to marry someone I love, and to start a family of my own. I was never told what to do or discouraged from doing something because it would bring shame to my family. I was never sent to jail or threatened to be killed (as some people are in other countries) because I chose to pursue my dreams or worship a different God.

Instead, I have freedom. I have opportunity. I have the ability to pursue my dreams. In essence, I have the ability to create the kind of life that I want for myself—I can choose my own destiny.

My son doesn’t understand this type of independence just yet. He won’t for a while. Right now his freedom will be limited until he’s old enough to make safe, mature, responsible choices on his own. Even when he’s reached this magic age, I hope he will still consider consulting his older and wiser mom and dad for advice, but ultimately, his life will then become his own journey to lead. He will have his own opportunities, his own chances, his own dreams, and his own destiny. At that point, I hope he will understand what it means to be independent, the same way we do today. Because for so many, it’s not an “inalienable right” as it should be, it’s a privilege we’ve been afforded by living in a country and being born to a family that understands its value.