Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Reasons Why Raising a Two Year Old Can Be Harder

I adored raising Little Lewie as a baby--the cooing, the babbling, the cuddling, the snuggling, and heck, even the gas bubbles that made him smile.  All of it was precious, and yet, it was difficult--really difficult.  If it wasn't the challenge of continually breastfeeding and pumping, then it was the pure exhaustion of sleepless nights, the havoc of watching your house grow dirtier by the minute and not being able to do anything about it, or the simple desire to have just one hour (that's right...just one) to be able to shower and make yourself feel pretty (or at least clean) once again.


So, this post isn't to trivialize being a mother to a newborn.  Oh no.  I still think mothers deserve an award once they've completed that first year--you know, a Nobel Peace Prize or something.  All I do know is oh how I used to fantasize what it would be like to have a toddler.  I pictured long afternoons in the park, conversations at the table drinking hot chocolate, baking and making arts and crafts...And who knows?  Perhaps those days are still coming...but they're not here....YET.

Yes, for me, age two has its own challenges.  Oh, my back might not be sore from being hunched over from breastfeeding anymore, but trust me...it's still sore for other reasons, such as lifting an almost 40 lb. child in and out of his car seat.  You see, I thought being a mom would become miraculously easier once our little ones turned two, but instead, I learned that there are new struggles to face in this uncharted territory.  Here are ten of them...


10.  They are stronger, faster and heavier.  (Yes, to complete my thought from the paragraph above, my little boy is all of these.  When I'm struggling to put my almost 40 lb. child in his car seat, I'm not only struggling because of the weight...I'm struggling because he is now using all of his 40 lb. strength in his arms and legs to resist my hold and keep me from buckling him in.  Of course, that's already after my ten minute sprint where I'm chasing him to get in the car first.


 9.  They are picky eaters.  (My little guy loved his peas and carrots as a baby.  In fact, there were very few foods that he wouldn't eat.  Now let's fast forward a year where my little guy knows how to open the refrigerator, pick out  treats, and verbalize what he wants.  Every day, without fail, he's in the cabinets looking for either cookies or toast.  If he can't find either, and mommy doesn't let him have either, I have a mini temper tantrum on my hands.


8.  Potty training.  (I still haven't entered this phase yet, but I've heard some difficult stories from other moms.  You know the accidents out in public, the accidents in bed, the public restroom challenge, the camping out in the bathroom, etc. etc.  Yes, I foresee a lot of days spent by the toilet in my near future, and they won't be from going out with my girlfriends the night before.) 


7.  They have more stuff.  (The amount of toys in my house has close to tripled in the past year.  Oh, I thought life was going to be better once we got rid of the Exersaucer and the Jumperoo.  Instead, we found large cars, trucks, bicycles, ATVs, (and pretty soon a train set) to replace these items.  Plus, we seem to have thousands of smaller items--blocks, people, Lego's, matchbox cars, crayons, balls, etc. that always seem to find my bare feet during midnight bathroom visits.)


6.  Nightmares.  (Every few weeks, the teachers at our daycare place an article in our box that they find interesting.  The last article spoke about nightmares and how toddlers not only have them but often find it difficult to distinguish between them and reality. Great!  So, now when my child wakes up screaming bloody murder and refuses to let me touch him, I now know that my little boy thinks I'm a monster in real life.)


5.  Language Acquisition.  (Oh how I longed for the days when my little boy could finally say the word "Mama" or "Mommy."  It seemed to take forever, and now, "Mommy" is used all the time in varying contexts---"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" as in it's two a.m. and I need you because I just had a nightmare, or "Mommy!" as in I want you to give me the Binky "NOW!!!!!"  Oh, but my little darling knows how to say other words.  He's very good at yelling "no," "mine," and "cookie."  You see, I thought all of these words would be cute until I started hearing them one hundred times a day.)


4.  Tantrums.  (This was going to be the first item on my list, but I didn't want to be too predictable.  Yes, depending on the day, we could have just one tantrum or twenty tantrums in varying degrees.  Just a few days ago, I learned what a two year old tantrum sounds like in public when it's combined with hunger and exhaustion.  Since I'm still trying to erase this memory from my mind, I'll let you picture it on your own.)


3.  Your perceived independence.  (This is a much larger hurdle than I originally imagined.  You see, now that my toddler is able to get around more and seems to have learned "right" from "wrong", I start to feel more confident about leaving him alone for a minute or two here or there so that I can do laundry, wash the dishes, etc. etc.  I place this as a challenge because the temptation is there to leave my little boy to his own devices while I straighten up the house; however, it only takes a second for him to find a bead and stick it up his nostril, take the milk out of the refridgerator and spill it, or grab a marker and color the kitchen table...so in reality this perceived independence is just plain torture.)


2.  Your child's perceived independence.  My little guy can turn into another child at the flip of a switch.  He's sassy, and oh, how he likes to test.  Somewhere between the walking and the language acquisition, my little guy has decided that he knows what's best, and he's constantly pushing the envelope.  If he doesn't insist on feeding himself, then he insists on walking in a parking lot full of cars without my hand or he insists on going outside without mittens. Oh joy!)


1.   They are growing up.  (Yes, this is probably the hardest reality for me to wrap my head around.  My little boy is growing up and so the nursing, the bottle feeding, the cuddling in my lap, the reliance on my hand to help keep his balance.  All of that is gone or else fleeting.  I've now entered the stage that everyone forewarned me about...the stage where you look at the baby clothes and wonder where the time went.  Unfortunately, this reality will not be going away any time soon.)


So, in conclusion, having a two year old brings many new challenges...new challenges that I thought I could somehow bypass.  (Not a chance!)   It's certainly a transition, but I'm up for the task...

Top Ten Tuesday: Christmas Bloopers Revealed

This week is one of those times of mild insanity.  Last minute presents are bought, gifts are waiting to be wrapped, Christmas cards still need to be mailed, and by the time we should be getting ready to eat dinner, I'm passed out on the couch, too tired to lift myself up.  (Even my little two year old can't seem to wake me from this coma, even though, lately, he likes to crawl on top of me and smoosh his face into mine...)

Yes, right now, I'm doing everything I can to hold it all together.  I smile on the outside, but on the inside, I feel like screaming...perhaps even running away from it all.  Still, since running away isn't an option, my only other survival technique is to let things go and have a good laugh.  Yes, this year, I'm pretty sure this Christmas will be far from perfect, but hey, at least once it's over, I know I can have a good laugh about it.

Here are a list of top ten Christmas bloopers to lift your spirits and tickle your funny bone.  Remember if things don't go exactly as planned, you can always blame the Christmas elves.  Why not?  Since Christmas is a holiday of magic and imagination, anything can happen...

10.  You have one of those really bad gift wrapping days.  You know, those days when you can't measure the right amount of paper for the life of you.   Every single time, you either overestimate the amount of paper or underestimate.  Thus, the end result is a present that looks like it was wrapped by a two year old.  (Hey...what a great excuse.  Yeah, I was letting my two year old wrap presents--with scissors and all.  It works.  Don't judge.)

9.  The blasted Christmas tree won't stand straight.  No matter how many times you readjust the stand or turn the tree around to face a different side, you still have the Leaning Tower of Pisa standing, no leaning, directly in front of you.  The answer is to overcompensate with Christmas ornaments.  Perhaps smothering the tree with lights, bulbs, garland, and tinsel will do the trick...Now instead of guests whispering about your leaning tree, they can snicker at the hideous decorations.  Great conversation piece!

8.  You buy your Aunt Gertrude another lovely Christmas sweater again, only this time she calls you out on it..."Don't you think I have enough Christmas sweaters by now.  You've only bought one for me...let's see...every Christmas for the last twenty years..."

7.  You get caught re-gifting.  Let's explain.  You see, you were very smart in making sure that the re-gift goes to a different person, but your child sells you out..."Mommy...didn't Aunt Gertrude buy you that candle and you said it smelled funny?"  (Right from the mouth of babes...)

6.  You drink too much brandy eggnog, and now you've decided to perform some Christmas karaoke, only you don't know the words to most of the songs and there's no karaoke machine.

5.  You literally fall asleep during midnight mass--head tilted backward, mouth open, drool and all.  Or, instead, you perform the Christmas bob.  Yes, throughout mass, your head is bobbing away as you repeatedly catch yourself falling asleep and try to reposition your head to the "alert" pose again and again.

4.  Your child discovers his "Santa presents" weeks before Christmas in the trunk of your car.  "Are those my presents?" he gasps.  "Why yes," you answer.  "Santa's having surgery this Christmas, so he can't deliver them himself.  I offered to drive up to the North Pole to get them."  (Hey, in this scenario, you come out looking heroic.  Yes, you helped Santa and saved the day by making that grueling trip to the North Pole.  Score!)

3.  Your cute inflatable, Christmas Carolers lawn ornament is the source of night terrors for your two year old.  Ever since he first saw them inflate, he's been deathly afraid of them to the point where it causes him to wake up in the middle of the night screeching while pointing to the outside window.  (Wait a minute...this is really happening to me right now.  Not funny!)

2.   At one a.m. when the little ones are waiting for Santa all snug in their beds, you're wrapping gifts only to learn that you've run out of Christmas paper....What's left?  Well, you decide to go with a "Happy Birthday" theme.  After all, Christmas is the birth of Jesus. 

1.  You start handing out gifts to all of your relatives when you realize...gulp...you forgot to buy a gift for your Great Uncle Arthur.   Ordinarily you would never lie on such a sacred day, but how can you tell him that you actually forgot him this year?   "Oh, Uncle Arthur...it looks like we may have left your present at the store.  I knew we should have double checked our shopping cart before leaving Wal-mart.  Damn!"

Remember Christmas will come again next year, so if things don't go exactly as planned, you always have the chance to make things right in 2011.   I hope it's a happy holiday for you no matter what bloopers may come your way...

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Signs that the Holidays Are Here!

I love the holidays; it's a joy to spend time with family, to decorate, and to spread love and cheer.  Even more, I enjoy trying to make the holidays magical for my little boy.  Still, as much as I love this time of year, I also cringe a little.  Right around now is when I start creating my to-do list, and each day, it feels like the items on my list grow exponentially.  From now until January 2, 2011, I am on a race--a race to buy presents, decorate, spend time with family and friends, and create memorable, ever-lasting Christmas traditions.  It'll be fun (for the most part), but there may be a nervous breakdown along the way...

If sometimes you feel overwhelmed by this holiday crunch time, then this top ten list is for you...  Ten Signs that the Holidays are Here...

10.  You've already given up on any diet that you started during the year.  How can you begin to count calories after you've just downed two pieces of your aunt's famous chocolate cream pie (in addition to snacking on the sugar cookies, the cheese and crackers, and that delicious pumpkin tart)?

9.  Each day, you're afraid your mailbox might possibly tip over from all the holiday catalogs and coupons that come in the mail.  Even worse, you're afraid the collection that has now overtaken your living room might present a real fire hazard.

8.  Your DVR/VCR is already set to record all your holiday favorites--How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Charlie Brown's Christmas, etc. etc.

7.  You literally have no place left to write on your calendar.  Every single square is covered in notations about sales, visits with friends and family, and other holiday parties and events.

6.  You've already mapped out your Black Friday route.  Not only do you have a list of stores to visit on your agenda, but you've also created a list of areas within each store to visit.  You'll be camping out at 3 a.m. so that you have access to the best selection.  You're on a mission!

5.  You've already started to drop subtle hints to friends and family about what you can use-- a new car, a new Apple iPad.   (Oh, and you've started asking the not so subtle questions yourself..."So...you're favorite restaurant is..."  "And you are a size....larrrrggg, no medium.  That's right.")

4.  You've already figured out what bills you can scrimp on this month.  "Hmmm....let's see.  If I don't pay the electric company this month, they will still have to wait for another full month before they threaten to shut my lights off..."

3.  You've already made your family crazy about buying and coordinating matching outfits for the dreaded wonderful yearly Christmas photograph--you know...the photo that you share will all your friends and family members that you never get to see in person anymore.  That's right.  If they didn't receive a holiday photo of you every year, they probably would have no idea what you or anyone in your family even look like anymore.

2.  You've already started testing all the outside and inside lights.  Hey, you don't want to go through the actual trouble of setting up the decorations only to learn that your beloved lighted Rudolph is now missing a few limbs.

1.  The kids' TV commercials have pushed you over the limit.  If you see one more advertisement for that (fill in the blank) toy, you're going to hurl the next object that winds up in your hands directly at the TV.  Of course, these commercials have delightfully persuaded your kids that the meaning of Christmas is...TOYS.

Bonus: You've now started assessing the past year...you know...what you've accomplished...what you didn't accomplish.  The guilt of what didn't get accomplished will always make the top of your New Year's resolution list for next year...guaranteed.

Top Ten Kid Friendly Thanksgiving Jokes

Okay, my little boy is still too young for jokes, but I thought I'd start collecting them for when he's older.  Some are favorites from childhood, and some are from some great online resources I listed below.  I plan to torment entertain my family with some of these treasures next week...


1.   Q:  If April Showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?
      A:  Pilgrims

2.   Q:  Why didn't the turkey eat any dessert?
      A:  Because he was stuffed.

3.   Q:  Why did the Turkey cross the road?
      A:  It was the chicken's day off.

4.   Q:  Why did the turkey decide to drum in a band?
      A:  Because he had the drumsticks.

5.   Q:  Why can't you take a turkey to church?
      A:  Because they use such FOWL language.

6.   Q:  What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
      A:  The Turkey Trot.

7.   Q:  What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
      A:  Plymouth Rock

8.   Q:  What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
      A:  Boy, I'm stuffed.

9.   Q:  Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?
      A:  No, just the turkey. 

10. Q:  When did the Pilgrims first say, "God Bless America"?
      A:  When they first heard America sneeze.

Bonus:  (I'm sure you may have heard this one before...)

The Turkey, the Parrot and the In-laws 

Martha had a parrot called Brutus.  The only problem was that Brutus cussed something awful. Now Martha was having her in-laws over for Thanksgiving, and so she needed to train Brutus quickly not to swear.

Just before her mother-in-law arrived, Brutus cussed terribly, so Martha put him in the freezer for 2 minutes to literally cool off. Then she opened the door and took out the parrot along with the turkey.

"And have you learned your lesson about cussing?" Martha asked the parrot.

Brutus the parrot took one look at the dead turkey and said: "I sure have. But pardon me, I just have one question, 'What did the turkey do?'"


Complements of Kaboose, The Holiday Spot, Activity Village, and Will and Guy's Humour.

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Reasons Why Blogging Makes Me a Better Mom

For a while, I started to feel guilty about blogging.  After all, it takes a lot of time and energy to write posts, to comment on friends' blogs, to make new friends, and to keep everything new and interesting.    When I first started, I felt like blogging was robbing my time away from my little boy, and I became frustrated with myself when I found that I was trying to sneak in comments while my little boy was finishing lunch, watching TV, or playing with Daddy, etc.

Now, six months later, I have a different view about blogging.  For one, I'm no longer obsessed with wanting to write daily posts, and two, it's no longer important for me to try and get a zillion followers.   Now that I've finally let go of this extra pressure, I feel more comfortable about blogging as a hobby, and even more, I'm starting to realize the tremendous benefits that come from it...

Here are the top ten reasons why blogging makes me into a better mom...

10.   I'm keeping a weekly journal of all my little boy's milestones.  (Yes, scrapbooking is great too, but I do have to admit that there is something very cool about posting pictures and writing about my little boy's life as it unfolds.  There will be so many stories and pictures to share with him when he gets older.)

9.  It reminds me to bring my camera.  (Now that I'm hooked on blogging, I see every day as an opportunity to get great pictures.  In the past, I used to miss out on "capturing the moment" because I only brought my camera during special outings.  Now I see every day as a special outing.)

8.  I receive great comments from other moms (a.k.a. my wonderful bloggy friends).  (Every time I post something about my little boy, I get the positive reinforcement that I need to feel like I'm doing a good job.  My sweet friends never hesitate to compliment me on the Halloween costume I chose for Lil' Lewie or the effort I place into trying him to get him involved in my activities, like gardening.  A few nice words from other moms go a long way.)

7.  I receive great advice.  (Over the past few months, I've received some very thoughtful advice from other mommy bloggers.   One such difficult time for me was bringing my little guy to daycare for the very first time.  I was so overwhelmed, and yet, I received an outpour of support and advice from other moms who had to do the exact same thing with their kids.  Their advice and constant reassurance that "Lil' Lewie will adjust" and "things will get easier," provided me with the hopeful optimism I needed to assure myself that I was doing the best thing for him and my family.)

6.  I learn that it's okay to be a "perfectly imperfect" parent.  (I love the sincerity of my bloggy friends.  They are real, authentic, and down-to-earth.  Instead of pretending they are perfect, they admit their struggles.  They admit when their house hasn't been cleaned, when meals haven't been prepared, or when laundry hasn't been washed.  They admit to using the TV as a babysitter because they're so terribly exhausted.  I've learned from the best that being a parent isn't an exact science; instead, it is a work in progress, always needing revision.)

5.  I learn about cool activities for my little guy.  (I'm not the most creative of moms in the world, so at times--okay, most of the time--I need some inspiration from other mommy bloggers.  I've learned about so many great projects, games, and activities to do with my little guy and can't wait to get started on the list I've collected.)

4.  I learn about great products that I can buy or win for my little one.  (I don't have a lot of time to enter contests or giveaways, but at times, there will be a book or type of product that will catch my eye.  I especially feel enlightened to learn about all the green products that are now available for infants, toddlers, and children.)

3.  I learn about incredible places to see and visit.  (It's still amazing to me that we can make friends and communicate with other moms from all over the country and world.  It's a joy to read about other family vacations or day trips; it's even more fun to see the pictures.  My own travel list is now growing, exponentially!) 

2.  I'm receiving a wealth of knowledge.  (It's been said by some critics that bloggers are amateurs and that their writing content has no real value. I beg to differ.  Through my blogging experience, I've learned all about cloth diapering, using baby sign language, making incredible crafts, cooking healthy and delicious meals, and even about home schooling.  Bloggers, especially mommy bloggers, have a wealth of knowledge to share and this knowledge doesn't just come from book smarts; this knowledge comes from real, live experience.)

1.  I learn how to save money.  (Yes, today we can all benefit from learning how to save money.  There are some very sharp and practical blogs dedicated to helping families stay on a budget, and they offer some great inside tips about where to get valuable coupons and discounts on all our favorite foods, diapers, formula, and expensive household items.)

Bonus:  Finally, blogging provides a daily dose of humor in my life.  (At times, I like to blog about funny moments, and at other times, I'm reading about other moms' hilarious moments.  In a world where it's easy to take everything so seriously, it's nice to be reminded that sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath, and laugh our ass off.)

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Signs that You Might be Spooked!

I am a BIG wimp when it comes to watching anything scary. Yes, I've seen quite a few creepy movies in my day. In fact, I've even been to see the Warren's (a married couple that used to act like the real life Ghost Busters and track down spirits.) However, even though I have watched and listened to many spooky stories (both ones that claim to be real and ones that are not), I still don't handle the information well. In fact, I don't handle it well at all!

At best, some of these spooky sights or sounds will stay with me for a week, and at worst, they will stay with me for years. Yes, oh, yes, I am a scaredy cat. BIG TIME. My mind starts to play tricks on me, and the next thing I know, I'm suddenly "hearing" and "seeing" things that keep me from being able to go to bed and get a decent night's sleep, especially when my husband isn't home.

Is this you?  Here are another ten signs that you might be spooked.

10. You're constantly looking behind you because you feel like you're being followed. (Or worse, you think you feel someone's breath on your neck.)

9. You stand outside your infant's door wondering who on earth he or she could be talking to...After all, you left the room, and there's nobody there...gulp...you hope!

8. You need to have the TV on constantly. Otherwise, you hear all the creeks and unusual noises of the house settling...or someone or something settling inside your house.

7. When it's nightfall, you make sure to put on all the lights in every single room of the house. That way, if there is a ghost, it won't be able to follow you undetected in the dark.  (It won't be able to glow in the dark, like you often see in the movies, either.)

6. The white bathrobe hanging up behind your bedroom door suddenly starts to look like the image of your great-great grandmother that's hanging on the wall at your parents' house. 

5. You can't help but notice that the cat is following something back and forth with its eyes until it freaks out and goes into the other room. Gulp. You wonder if you should leave the room with this kind of urgency too! Now you're alone...with it.

4. You know that someone passed away in the house, and you suddenly start to feel like a presence is there even when you're supposed to be by yourself.

3. The curtains start to rustle for no reason. Could it be the heating vent above them...or is some mysterious force shaking them?

2. You wake up in the middle of the night panicked because you suddenly feel light and airy, like you might be levitating!

1. You don't go anywhere near Ouija-boards.  Period.

Bonus:  You search all the closets in your room before going to bed.  Even more, you make sure they are all closed, so if something is lurking inside, somehow, it can't get out.  (In reality, a closed closet door never stopped anyone, but it still makes you feel secure to know that it's not open--not even a crack.)

And now a joke for the holiday to quell all of your "spooked" minds...at least mine.

Q: Why do cemetaries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in...

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Ways I try to Rationalize with My Toddler

Okay, if I could start the process all over again, I would have taught Lil' Lewie to sign, and I probably would have bought him those 'Your Baby Can Read' videos.  In the end, I'm sure it would have helped me communicate better with my two year old, and perhaps, it would even have helped me explain to him why certain rules exist.

In any case, I feel like I'm constantly telling my two year old what he can and can't do.  I try to rationalize with him, and when all else fails, I even try to bribe him.  Whether you refer to them as the "terrible" twos or the "terrific" twos, you have to admit that this is an interesting age.  They're old enough to get into mischief but still too young to understand why they're not allowed to do certain things.  In my house, I sound like a broken record as I repeat the rules over and over again.  (Can you imagine?  Our children aren't going to understand the meaning of this phrase unless any of us have a record player at home.  I feel old.)

If anyone has a toddler right now or remembers the toddler years, this top ten is for you.

10.  "No.  You can't flush the toilet anymore.  What did I say?  Yes, there has to be pee pee in the potty.  Uh, did you flush it again?  That's it.  No more bathroom for you. Common we're done.  March, march, march."

9.  "Books are our friends.  We're gentle with the pages.  See.  Look how nice Mommy flips the pages.  Okay, if you're not going to be gentle, Mommy's going to take it away!"

8.  "The stove is HOT.  No, you can't go near the stove while Mommy is trying to take out our dinner.  What did I say?  No, you can't come here.  Okay, let's sit in Mr. Highchair (or Mr. Booster-seat), okay?"

7.  "Mommy has to get ready for work, okay?  I can't have you touch the HOT curling iron.  Come here.  Let's watch some TV.  Let's see--how about Little Bill or Ni Hao Kai Lan?  There.  That's much more fun for you."

6.  "No, you can't have Daddy's potato chips.  (Stern glare at Daddy from me.)  Come with me in the kitchen.  Hmmmm.  I see something yummy.  Why don't we have this banana?  No?  Yes, bananas will help you grow big and strong.  Common....Um, look Mommy just took a bite of the banana.  Mommy loves bananas..."

5.  "No.  No touching the buttons on the TV please.  What did Mommy say?  Right, Mommy said NO!"

4.  "No throwing things.  We don't throw things in the house.  Look your toy is your friend.  You don't throw it.  Now give your toy a kiss and tell him you're sorry."

3.  I said you can't touch that water cooler.  Alright Mister, if you touch it again, you're going into time-out.  That's it.  Off to time-out we go.  You know Mommy said no, right?"

2.  "Please eat these last few carrots for Mommy.  Yum....you only have three more to go.  Here let's count them while we eat.  If you eat them, Mommy will let you have a yummy treat....maybe you'll get a cookie."

1.  "Please stop screaming in the car.  I know you're tired.  We're almost home.  I can't concentrate with the screaming.  Please.  Okay.  Okay.  Here, I'll give you some of Mommy's snack.  Please stop screaming..."

Bonus:  "What did Mommy say? Yes, if you're a good boy in the store, Mommy will take you to the park.  Yes, we'll go on the SWINGS (emphasis) and SLIDE, and you can play with your SCOOTER.  We're going to have a good time.  Mommy just needs to get a few more things.  Yes, you have to be patient!  Please be a good boy, please."  (Desperation at its finest...)

Still, no matter how many times I say these things throughout the day, who can resist a little munchkin like this?

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Reasons Why Cell Phones are Annoying

I understand that cell phones have their advantages, and yes, I have one.  Mine is rather cheap, but I do use it (along with my blue tooth) to talk to friends and family.  I also love the security of having it for emergencies.  With that said, however, I also find cell phones incredibly annoying.  Take today for an example.  My husband, Lil' Lewie, and I were outside raking leaves in our yard.  While it is not the easiest chore, I did enjoy having this time together as a family.  My husband and I had fun tossing Lil' Lewie into a few leaf piles and watching his reactions.  Within the first fifteen minutes that we start raking, my husband receives a text--it's his sister making plans for later that day.  Of course, he feels the need to respond.  Ten minutes later, it's a friend wanting to go fishing.  A few minutes later, it's someone else.  While my husband is having all these interruptions, I'm just trying to enjoy the present moment of spending time with him and my son.

This is not the only time that the cell phone interrupts our family time.  Sometimes we'll be in the middle of watching TV together, and my husband will receive a call or a text.  He responds, which gives me the impression that it's more important that he tells his family what he's doing tomorrow rather than watch the show with me.  Other times, he's receiving texts from his boss--and it's no longer working hours!  Ugh!

I'll have to admit...I was almost swayed to buy a top of the line cell phone.  I enjoy blogging so much that it would be convenient to be able to tweet and check my comments and emails on a minute by minute basis.  It would also be fun to check my Facebook account, check my work schedule, record and send videos, etc.  Still, I had to remind myself of one thing--I have a family and a little guy that needs me first.  Do I worry about staying connected on my cell phone, or do I worry about my son and his needs throughout the day?  Being on my cell phone all the time would give him the impression that he doesn't matter, and I couldn't ever, ever let that happen for a moment.  So, I opted to stay away from the temptation.

I may sound a little old fashioned here, but regardless, here are my top ten reasons on why cell phones are just plain annoying.

10.  The reception.  Here in Connecticut, we have a lot of mountainous terrain, which means that usually 50% of my conversation sounds like this: "Can you hear me now?  How about now?  Now?  Can you hear me now? What about now?"

 9.   The rudeness.  Today I hear people having conversations with their friends and family practically everywhere.  They could be talking while standing in line at the grocery store, while ordering at Burger King, or before mass starts at church.  I mean really.  Is the conversation that important?  Obviously it is because it keeps people from acknowledging each other in person.

8.  The interruptions.  As I mentioned before, cell phones often interrupt the moment.  They can interrupt a special date, a special time with your little one, and even a special time of self-reflection.  At times, they can be down right intrusive.  Most messages CAN WAIT!

7.  The spelling.  As a college English instructor, it's frustrating to receive papers that now use the letter "u" for "you", "i" for "I", or other texting language and symbols for words.  It is changing the way students spell and think about writing at the most fundamental level. 

6.  The plans.  If your cell phone dies or has an accident before your plan is up, you're usually required to buy another phone at full price, which easily becomes another $100 to $400 investment.

5.  The urgency.  When we receive texts or voice mail messages, most of us feel like it's necessary to respond right away--even when it's not about something important.  It makes us stop what we're doing and keeps us from focusing on our present moment.

4.  The price.  Cell phones and cell phone plans are not cheap.  Let's face it.  It's an added expense just like paying to have internet connection is and an added expense. Before the 1980's/90's, we didn't have this extra bill.

3.  The secrecy.  We knew a lot more about who our spouses were talking to and making plans with when friends and family had to call on the home phone.  Now that my huband has a cell phone, I have no idea who's on the other line. 

2.  The addiction.  We get addicted to cell phones just like anything else.  They become such an extension of us that we can't imagine going anywhere or doing anything without one.  (This is especially true of my college students who can't seem to stop calling or texting even during an important class session.) 

1.  Distracted driving. Texting and driving don't mix.  Need I say more?

Bonus:  The influence.  Now children as early as seven years old are asking for their own cell phones.   I'm not going to enjoy the day that my son asks for one because his friends have one.  At age seven, I'm not going to feel the need that he has to call me from school and tell me how his day is going.  I have to trust that everything is okay at some point.  (Isn't this how helicopter parenting begins?)

Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Frustrations with Dieting

I gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy with Little Lewie. The doctors weren't concerned because I was still getting a lot of exercise by walking everyday, but once I had my little boy, I slowly learned that losing the weight was going to be an uphill battle. For one, I only lost twenty pounds after having him. Then, when my milk flow didn't come in right away, my little boy became more accustomed to the bottle. I still nursed him in the mornings when he was sleepy, but the rest of the day I would pump my milk. For some reason, this routine of mostly pumping didn't allow me to lose any additional weight.

My weight didn't start coming off until Little Lewie 1) started sleeping through the night, and 2) became more mobile. Once my son started getting a full night of rest, I was able to sleep too, which meant I could get up in the morning before him, feel refreshed, and do a half an hour Pilates routine to work my muscles, especially my mid section. Then, once he started getting mobile, I was definitely burning calories chasing him around the playground and going up and down the slides myself.


It took me two long years to lose the baby weight (double the time it took me to put in on), and although I'm satisfied with my weight for now, I've been known to fluctuate and sometimes go on "yo-yo" diets. The winter is quickly approaching, and I can guarantee that I'll be at least another ten pounds heavier before the spring arrives...it all comes with the territory of loving food and having a 30 year-old's metabolism.


For anyone who's on a diet, especially a "yo-yo" diet that just doesn't seem to be working. This top ten is for you...


10. Your new diet has required you to stock up on health foods--low calorie fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, etc. (You know the drill.) Since you can't eat anything fun, other than the caramel flavored rice cakes in the pantry that taste like cardboard, you've decided that no one can eat anything fun. Thus, the family revolt begins...


9. You catch yourself at the scale constantly. You need to have reassurance that this diet is working NOW. Didn't your new diet PROMISE that you would lose five pounds per day? (Sounds unrealistic but this is where hopeful optimism kicks in...)


8. In order to feel better about your diet, you make sure to rub it in the faces or all your friends and coworkers. Hey, since you can't have what they're eating, you can at least make them feel guilty about their overindulging. "Wow, you're having onion rings? I used to eat them all the time until I put on an extra twenty pounds..."


7. You find that you're constantly giving yourself a pep talk. In fact, you hope that once you say certain statements enough times, they'll magically become true for you. "Oh, this salad is so delicious--I just love leafy green vegetables. I can eat them all day long..."


6. You have to report that there's been a horrible tragedy in the house. The scale, sadly, took its last breath and then jumped out the bathroom window. The intervention came too late.


5. You make sure to watch all your favorite TV shows AFTER they have been recorded. Who wants to see those stupid Outback Steak House and Wendy's commercials, when you can just fast-forward through them and get to your favorite program?


4. Going to the grocery store is your worst nightmare. Before your trip, you make sure to strategically map out your route to avoid the ENEMY a.k.a. junk food. You pretty much have a fool proof plan, but in case it backfires, and you are in enemy territory, you have an exit strategy.


3. You catch yourself trying awful recipes like "spinach brownies" and "apple sauce, carrot cupcakes" just to try and satisfy your "sweet tooth."


2. Friends and family complain that you're always, unconsciously, talking about food, staring, and salivating when you watch them eat.


1. You've never enjoyed math, and yet, every day, you find yourself struggling with the most confusing algebraic equations. If X = (230 calories) and Y = (10 grams of protein) then Z = the culmination of X and Y plus the saturated fat and trans fat minus the heart healthy soluble fiber.

Bonus:

You battle it out one morning with your skinny jeans. "Fit dammit. You should fit by now! Common, I know you can zip. ZIP! Stupid jeans! Stupid zipper! Common!" --I'll let you decide who wins...

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Signs It's That Time of the Month...

I still remember the days of my childhood. Like most, I was too concerned with growing up and spent much time wondering what it would be like to be a woman. Yes, for some idiotic, strange, dumb, silly (you can fill in the blank) reason, I thought it would be cool to get my period. I obsessed with it...that is...until I got it. Now, I'm looking forward to menopause (but from what I understand...that's not much fun either). So, what can I do? I can sit here and curse the day that my blasted "friend" ever came, or I can make fun of my irregular, irritable, heavy, obnoxious (you can fill in the blank again if you wish) time of the month. The only time I enjoyed it was during my pregnancy. That's right because I didn't have it for those 40 glorious weeks. (Of course, I had other things like nausea, heartburn, and cankles, but that's another story all together.)

Here they are...in no particular order...The Ten Signs that It's That Time of the Month:

10. You look in the mirror only to notice that you've broken out like a 13 year old school girl again. You wouldn't mind. Acne is a sign of adolescence--of youth--except that every time you examine a zit, you notice a new wrinkle too.


9. You immediately start giving the finger to every bad driver on the road. You don't have the patience to deal with other drivers’ shortcomings. It's not road rage...it's called MHIS (Mobile Hormonal Imbalance Syndrome).


8. You look underneath the bathroom cabinet only to recognize that you're out of all maxi pads and tampons--Murphy’s Law.


7. You avoid the scale at all costs; you know that bloated feeling probably constitutes for an additional 10 pounds of water weight gain. Really. Who wants to weigh themselves when they feel like they resemble the likes of the Pillsbury Doughboy?


6. Your stomach feels tied up in knots--seriously, like two people are pulling each end in opposite directions as tightly as they can possibly manage. Yes, taking Midol is supposed to be the cure. I say having a sex change is...


5. Every compliment turns into an argument.
Husband: "You look so beautiful in that dress."
You: "Bite me!"


4. Your family members go into hiding for the week. They only come out for breakfast and dinner, and that's only if they're really starving.


3. You cry while watching comedies like Weekend at Bernie's and There’s Something about Mary. Even silly movies toy with your feelings and turn you into an emotional basket case. Your inner dialog sounds something like this: "That poor Bernie...if only he was still alive...WHAAAH...sniff sniff...to be part of those...sniff...beach parties. Why can't...sniff sniff...I live...sniff...in a beach house like that? Oh, that's so $@#*!@% (fill in the blank) unfair! That bastard!”


2. You have that "not so fresh" feeling.


1. Your husband becomes an emotional punching bag. You curse the day that men ever walked the planet, and you remind your husband how inferior he is to your sex.

You:  "You would never be able to handle my cramps, and you would never ever be able to handle giving birth. I was in that hospital for twelve hours with the most intense contractions of my life pushing out a bowling ball through an opening the size of a pinhole."

Husband: Silence. (He's not a fool. He knows he can't win this argument.)


And finally, if you're reading this while having your time of the month, then I guess the female cycle is so powerful that it can even regulate itself to match mine through cyberspace. (There's a reason why all women under the same roof end up getting it at the same time--to make men's lives hell on earth. Hey, we need some form of retribution.)

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Telltale Signs that You're Addicted to Blogging

My husband opened a blogger account for me back in September 2009.  At that point, I had written a few journal entries that I saved in Microsoft Word and had then transferred them over to my blog.  I didn't know much about blogging, joining communities, and gaining followers, so I let my blog stay stagnant for eight months until I decided to check it in late May.  As you can already guess, my blog still looked the same way I had left it--with my few pathetic entries and a goose egg for responses.

Somewhere between May and June, a switch flipped.  I can't exactly describe what happened to my brain, but an intense interest in blogging took hold of me like no other.  Perhaps the interest came when I gained my very first follower, or perhaps it happened after reading so many other creative and inspiring blogs.  All I know is that once this mind-altering change occurred, I've never been the same.  Now I find myself thinking about my blog all the time. 

If I'm not brainstorming new ideas, collecting information, or taking pictures, then I'm checking my blog hourly to see if I've received any new responses.  (Actually, with a little one at home, I probably check my blog about three times per day, but if I had a more flexible schedule, I'd be checking it hourly.)  What happened to me?  Now that I'm hooked, I can't stop, and when I can't write a post for a day, I feel disappointed, even sad...

Alright, if you've been reading all of this so far and nodding your head in agreement, then this top ten is for you.

You Know You're Addicted to Blogging When...

10.  Getting a new follower gives you an instant high--even more powerful than caffeine or any adrenaline rush you've ever known.

9.  You're childhood friends complain they've been replaced by your blogging buddies.

8.  You keep a bedside journal to capture all your nightly blogging inspirations.  (Of course, this journal gets taken everywhere you go too.)

7.  You think of your next blogging idea while making love. (Hey, multitasking is often necessary in this business.)

6.  Your family feels like they've become professional models because they're constantly on call for photo shoots.  "Wait.  Can you make that surprised look again?"

5.  Your friends and family are completely confused by your "bloggy" lingo.  "I'll be down for dinner as soon as I finish sharing some bloggy love on my BFF's meme.  I just need to link up my RSS feed to Mr. Linky's Magical Widgets..."

4.  BFF no longer means "Best Friend Forever;" instead you refer to it as your "Blog Frog Friend." 

3.  You proudly display your blogging awards, like a Boy Scout displays his merit badges.  In fact, your "Sunshine Award" and "Foxy Mama Award" mean more to you than any of your high school and college certificates/trophies combined.

2.  You identify more with your avatar than you do with the image in the mirror.

1.  You celebrate milestones like your 500th follower or your third blogoversary like they're national holidays--complete with free prizes and giveaways. 

And finally, you know I like to add a bonus... 

"If you do not participate in a current blogging conference, challenge, or boot camp, you feel guiltier than if you had skipped an actual exercise boot camp.   In fact, in order to lament the fact that you cannot attend the conference, you join memes created by other bloggers who can't attend, so you can console each other and give each other support."  

Want more laughs?  Please check out my other top ten lists such as...

Top Ten Wedding Bloopers Revealed or Top Ten Verbal Cues that Ruin the Romantic Mood


    

Top Ten Tuesday-Wedding Bloopers Revealed

This weekend I had an awesome time attending my best friend's wedding. (A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of setting up and hosting her Bachelorette Party, too.) The wedding, just like my friend, was unique and far from typical--she had the reception at a Hibachi Restaurant and entertained all her guests by surprising us with a belly dance she had choreographed for her newlywed husband.

The day, as far as I know, seemed to go perfectly for her, but somewhere in the midst of downing Sake and watching this spectacular belly dance, I started to think about other weddings I attended (including my own) where things didn't always turn out as planned. In fact, now that I recall them, some of these weddings had some downright hilarious moments.

Here, in no particular order, are some of my favorite wedding bloopers of all times.

You know you're wedding is about to take an unexpected twist when...

10. DJ Sir Mix-O-Lot decides to hoard all the attention by scheduling his very own dance routine that he performs alone on the dance floor.

9. All the single ladies in the audience don't want to catch the bouquet, and in fact, they all run away from it when it comes hurling at them.

8. Your sleazy Uncle Ron catches the garter and decides he's going to put it on the poor, unsuspecting girl (who didn't want to catch the bouquet to begin with) by using his teeth.

7. Your wedding photographer turns into the Picture Nazi who's constantly yelling at the wedding party and the wedding guests to either "get in" or "out of” the picture NOW!

6. Your father-in-law is asked to do a toast, and he starts off by saying, "Well we never thought you'd amount to very much. In fact, we never thought you'd even make it through high school, and now look at you...you're getting married..."

5. The damn zipper clasp to your strapless wedding gown popped, and now you're holding up your wedding dress while desperately begging all your guests to look for a safety pin.

4. Your maid of honor, in her drunken state, decides to form a Conga Line with other drunken guests who are now swerving around tables, stepping on people's feet, and knocking off centerpieces.

3. Your Great Aunt Matilda forgets to take her high blood pressure medication and passes out on the dance floor, knocking down several of your guests in the process.

2. The chocolate fountain starts to burn and emits a foul odor, leading some of your guests to look around and wonder "who cut the cheese?"

1. The two groups of family members who don't get along have discovered each other's tables and are now mouthing full-blown insults to each other from across the room. You've got 911 on your speed dial if temperaments continue to flare.

And finally, I have one last bonus:

D.J. Sir Mix-O-Lot decides that performing his solo dance wasn't enough.  He now breaks out the Karaoke Machine to sing a little number just for the special couple.

Do you have any wedding bloopers to add to the list?  Oh, you have to share.

 
 
 

Top Ten Tuesday-Ten Verbal Cues that Ruin the Romantic Mood

My husband and I are...well...married. Don't get me wrong. Marriage has a lot of pluses--the routine, the consistency, the joy of tolerating appreciating each other's habits. No really, I love that my husband is my best friend and that he's my steady support system through the ups and downs of life.

It's just that being married can also be monotonous. The same pluses--routine, consistency, tolerating appreciating each other's habits--can also...well...make the romance fizzle. I'm not saying by any stretch of the imagination...gulp...that my husband's not good in bed. (Hubby, if you're reading this...of course you are. Remember you're the best.) What I'm saying is that marriage can place a slight twist on those once crazy, passionate nights. And, if you're married with children, there's a double twist.

Okay, let me just get to the top ten before I get myself in hot water. Here they are, in no particular order--ten verbal cues that ruin the romantic mood.

10. “Are you going to brush your teeth before we do it? I won’t if you don’t.”

9. “Oh, was that my stomach?! I had diarrhea earlier.”

8. “It looks like that blackhead has returned on your back. Let me get it for you.”

7. “Maybe I should brush my teeth after all. I have some pretty stinky garlic breath.”

6. “There’s a new episode of The Office tonight. Don’t worry. It doesn’t come on for another eleven minutes.”

5. “Should we keep the door open in case the baby wakes up?”

4. “Should we keep the door closed to prevent the baby from waking up?”

3. “If we’re not shutting off the lights, then I’m just going to keep my shirt on.”

2. “It looks like the jungle is back. Should I shave?”

1. “I’m cold. I need to warm up under a few blankets first.”

Okay, and because you know that I like to add a bonus:

“I think I’m catching a cold, but I took a decongestant. I’ll just place these tissues by the bed in case my nose starts running/dripping.”

The Top Ten Things I Love about My Son and His Age

Oh my Precious Little Lewie. You’re birthday has just passed, and now this weekend, we are going to celebrate Daddy’s and your birthday together. Your dad’s birthday isn’t officially until next month, but he is turning the big 40 and said he wanted to have a birthday celebration with you. He named it the Two Lew Barbeque. To be honest, he’s just looking forward to showing you off to all of his friends and family that he hasn’t seen in quite some time. (Who can blame him…I’m excited to show you off too!)

This weekend, I decided to write a tribute to you and your wonderful age. I am going to share the top ten reasons why I love you…(of course, you know there are many more reasons than just the ten listed, but here are some of my favorites.)

1. I love the fact that every time we go to a playground, you run for the swings. There’s this little spark in your eye once you’ve found them and your excitement and enthusiasm are contagious. When I push you, our time together comes to a halt; this is one of our few activities in life where I feel like I can slow down and just savor the moment—you’re growing up way too fast!

2. I love your little, raspy laugh and your high pitched squeals. Now that you’ve become a toddler, these giggles and squeals are a constant in our house. If you’re not squealing with delight because Mommy’s decided to chase you around the house, then you’re laughing because Daddy found the tickle spot on the back of your knees or around your thighs. Oh, your laughter is truly music to my ears.





3. I love that you’re a maniac on the dance floor. Every time Mommy puts on some type of music, you immediately start bopping around, twirling around in circles, or looking for me to be your dance partner. I also love the fact that you enjoy watching me practice my tap dance moves in the kitchen. (Mommy does this because she took over twenty years of lessons, and every now and then, she gets an urge to practice her old moves.) It’s evident that you want to learn how to tap dance too because you end up dancing around the house by stomping your little feet fast and furiously.

4. I love your squeezable baby thighs and your chubby, rosy cheeks. Yes, although you have turned two, you still have some remaining baby fat, which happily reminds me of your earlier days. The best part is watching your chubby cheeks jiggle every time you run down the hill in our yard.

5. I love your adorable baby words. Right now, you still want to hold onto your sweet little baby language (filled with “gee” and “oh” and a bunch of words that sound like French). However, although you have your own language, you’re still slowly picking up words from ours. Your new favorite word at the moment is “bye”. You tell everyone, even people you’ve just met, “bye” before saying “hi”. I’m quite thankful you mastered the pronunciation of the word now too because in the beginning, you were telling everyone to “die”.

6. I love that your mommy’s little helper. All day long, you follow me around the house to help me out with my chores. You help me make smoothies in the morning (complete with pouring in the ingredients and turning on the blender). You help me throw laundry into the dryer, fold clean clothes, sort the mail, water the garden, and even pull out overgrown weeds. I love the fact that you want to be my buddy, and you take pride in helping me. To me, this is a sign of pure, innocent love.

7. I love your smile. On most days, you greet me in the morning with a big, wide smile that’s capable of melting anyone’s heart. To you, everyday is like going to Disney Land. You find joy in the smallest, mundane things (like opening and closing the garage door with the clicker every time we go out). It’s this constant joy and fascination with life that reminds me that I need to approach my own life with a more open and lighter heart. Yes, your little smile serves as a beacon of hope for Mommy even on the gloomiest of days.

8. I love your interest in mother nature. For as long as I can remember, you’ve always had a fascination with dirt, moss, rocks, etc. When you wake up in the morning, you immediately go to the backdoor to let me know you want to go outside. Once outside, it feels like you’ve found your home. You push yourself on your toy car around the house, you find a pile of dirt to play in, you find a mud puddle to splash in again and again, or you run and skip around in delight. Yes, like Mommy, you’re a little nature lover (a nature boy) at heart.

9. I love your outgoing personality and sense of humor. Lil’ Lewie, from day one, you have always been a socialite. You enjoy meeting new people and entertaining them right from the start. It’s amazing how you intrinsically know what to do to impress certain people. You act silly in the presence of guys that are Daddy’s age, and you blow kisses to little old ladies who think you’re just the sweetest little angel to walk the planet. Then, if that isn’t enough, you love to tease Mommy and Daddy at home. You pretend to sleep when you don’t want to do something, and you pretend to put something in your mouth or touch the remote control, not because you want to, but because you know it will get a rise out of us. Oh yes, you know how to push our buttons, but amazingly, you know how to push them in just such a way that you get us to laugh. Yes, you can be an incredible tease.

10. I love your cuddly, tender moments. Lil’ Lewie, I love the fact that in some ways, you’re still very much a baby. At night, you’ll still cuddle in Mommy’s or Daddy’s arms while we give you your warm milk before bedtime. At other times, you’ll chose to sit in our laps or just walk over to us to give us an unexpected kiss or hug. (You give all your stuffed animals special kisses too.) I love that you’re affectionate and that you don’t mind us snuggling with you at the end of a long day. You’re cuddling is just the medicine I need to cure any stress in my life.

Top Ten Tuesday-Ten Reasons You May Belong to the Frumpy Mamas Club

My story is the same as everyone else’s. Before kids, I dressed to impress. I had beautiful suites for work, dynamite club outfits for after hours, adorable bikinis for playful summer fun, and thoughtful matching accessories to go with my work and play clothes. I loved my wardrobe, I loved getting my hair done, and I loved treating myself regularly for both manicures and pedicures.

As you know, once you have a little one or multiple little ones, well, um…the phrase "dress to impress" is a lot of malarkey. Even though I vowed that my size, my wardrobe, and my regular salon visits wouldn’t change, they did. Somewhere along the way, taking care of me, much less my wardrobe, wasn’t seen to be a priority anymore, and so, like most mamas I know, I joined the club…the frumpy mamas club. Oh, I know it sounds harsh, but I looked up the word “frumpy,” and it simply means, “not wearing attractive or fashionable clothes.” Well, if that doesn’t fit the current description of me, then I don’t know what does…

Here are ten reasons why you may be a frumpy mama (like me).

10. You explain to your friends and family members who haven’t seen you in a while, that you have decided to go “NA-TUR-AL.” Ultimately, the “natural” look means your roots haven’t been touched up in months, your fingernails are dirty, your armpit and leg hair have grown wild and you haven’t showered for days.

9. Since you haven’t lost all the baby weight yet, you continue to wear your old maternity clothing. In fact, you’re considering investing in a few more maternity tops since they do such a nice job of covering up your muffin-top area.

8. All your pants are Kmart specials. You have flannels, jogging pants, and stretch pants with elastic waistbands in various sizes and colors. You’re only criteria is that they must be comfortable, cheap, and machine washable.

7. Goodbye sexy, red stiletto heals—helllooo sparkly dollar store flip flops with Dr. Scholl’s inserts!

6. Your new pocketbook is the size of your diaper bag, or worse, your diaper bag IS your new pocketbook.

5. On most days you forget to put on deodorant. If you smell ripe, it’s one of two things—either you forgot the deodorant AGAIN or you tried wearing your shirt three times or more before putting it in the wash.

4. Your once thong underwear has been replaced by granny panties. Honestly, you wish you were introduced to granny panties earlier; those cotton briefs provide the most comfortable coverage for your entire rump and mid-section. It’s like strapping a cloud to your hiney.

3. That itsy bitsy, tiny weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini is now the mucho grande, control top coverage, Tankini in “new black.” You now hate wearing a bathing suit, and you’ve chosen black either to morn your loss or to help you look like you’ve shed a few extra pounds.

2. Your hair on most days could actually provide shelter for some feathered friends. Seriously, on the days that you have no time to shower, your hair is either swept up into a baseball cap or scrunched into a messy ponytail. Each hairdo provides hours of combing entertainment at the end of the day.

1. Your clothes haven’t matched since you were trying to look “cute” in your maternity gear. Now that your kids are the cute ones and you look like hell, why bother with the matching outfits, much less the matching coordinates.

And here is your bonus for today:

Muumuus are back in style—at least in your house. Oh, you may not have worn one out to a restaurant yet, but your neighbors have seen you wear one right along with the employees at your local supermarket. They are your new modern version to those tacky, skimpy sundresses.

Top Ten Tuesday-Ten Ways You Amazingly Survived the 80's

Okay, let’s face it. The 1980’s were an interesting time for history, music, movies, and culture. It’s the only time when Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Weird Al Yankovic could all have number one hits, when robots, Gremlins, Ewoks, and the Smurfs were considered super cool, when the best movies were about confused, misunderstood teens, when our nightmares were about clowns or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and when everyone knew the phrase “I want my MTV.” (If you know everything that I’m talking about, then you were a child of the 80’s. And if you’re smiling about everything that I’m talking about, then this top ten is for you 80’s lovers at heart.)

Here are the top ten ways you (and me included) amazingly survived the 80’s.
10. Your best friend accidently hit you over the head with her metal Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox. Thankfully, it only caused a lump the size of a goose egg but no concussion.

9. You spent ten years in the girl’s bathroom inhaling the toxic fumes of Aqua Net’s aerosol hairspray. The smell made you gag, but it did wonders for your incredibly high mall hair.

8. You scorched your tush and the back of your legs on that blasted vinyl car seat again. Luckily, it just singed your skin a little, but it didn’t leave a third degree burn. (If only you had remembered to place your Star Wars towel down first.)

7. You almost snapped your neck after trying to impress all your friends with your break-dance moves—you’re especially gifted at doing the worm, popping, and spinning on your head and back.

6. Your school playground—with its tall, narrow, metal slides, its cracked plastic swings, and super high, metal monkey bars—was an emergency room visit waiting to happen; fortunately, you only had to get stitches twice.

5. You surprising didn’t suffer any hearing loss even though you carried around a boom box the size of a large crate and placed it on your shoulder directly near your ear. (You’re also quite surprised you didn’t suffer from any back injuries either.)

4. Somehow you dodged getting Carpal Tunnel from all those years of playing Pac Man, Donkey Kong, and Pitfall using the Atari Joystick.

3. After all these years, you only have a few emotional scars left over from those old Polaroid pictures of you sporting your 80's wardrobe. (You still don't know why it was the rave to wear banana clips, plastic bangle bracelets, parachute pants, vinyl/pleather miniskirts, Members Only jackets, high top sneakers with fat, fluorescent shoe laces, and skinny ties.)

2. There were multiple times that you almost suffered a major injury because you didn’t own helmets, knee pads, shin guards, or wrist guards. When you fell off your bike or collided into a tree on roller skates, it was simply you against the elements.

1. Even though you binged on Cool Ranch Doritos, Oreo Cookies, gummy bears, Pixy Stix, Nerds (candy), and effervescent Cherry Coca-Cola everyday, you still kept your weight down because you were kicked outside to play all day long in the neighborhood with other kids.

And finally, I have one more bonus to offer:

After playing all day in the neighborhood without parental supervision, you still managed to make it home for dinner (even without a cell phone or GPS tracking device).

For more Top Ten Tuesday Fun, please feel free to check out my other posts: Top Ten Ways You've been Abducted by Clutter or Ten Clues Your Life Has Been Overrun by a Toddler.