Top Ten Tuesday-Ten Reasons You May Belong to the Frumpy Mamas Club

My story is the same as everyone else’s. Before kids, I dressed to impress. I had beautiful suites for work, dynamite club outfits for after hours, adorable bikinis for playful summer fun, and thoughtful matching accessories to go with my work and play clothes. I loved my wardrobe, I loved getting my hair done, and I loved treating myself regularly for both manicures and pedicures.

As you know, once you have a little one or multiple little ones, well, um…the phrase "dress to impress" is a lot of malarkey. Even though I vowed that my size, my wardrobe, and my regular salon visits wouldn’t change, they did. Somewhere along the way, taking care of me, much less my wardrobe, wasn’t seen to be a priority anymore, and so, like most mamas I know, I joined the club…the frumpy mamas club. Oh, I know it sounds harsh, but I looked up the word “frumpy,” and it simply means, “not wearing attractive or fashionable clothes.” Well, if that doesn’t fit the current description of me, then I don’t know what does…

Here are ten reasons why you may be a frumpy mama (like me).

10. You explain to your friends and family members who haven’t seen you in a while, that you have decided to go “NA-TUR-AL.” Ultimately, the “natural” look means your roots haven’t been touched up in months, your fingernails are dirty, your armpit and leg hair have grown wild and you haven’t showered for days.

9. Since you haven’t lost all the baby weight yet, you continue to wear your old maternity clothing. In fact, you’re considering investing in a few more maternity tops since they do such a nice job of covering up your muffin-top area.

8. All your pants are Kmart specials. You have flannels, jogging pants, and stretch pants with elastic waistbands in various sizes and colors. You’re only criteria is that they must be comfortable, cheap, and machine washable.

7. Goodbye sexy, red stiletto heals—helllooo sparkly dollar store flip flops with Dr. Scholl’s inserts!

6. Your new pocketbook is the size of your diaper bag, or worse, your diaper bag IS your new pocketbook.

5. On most days you forget to put on deodorant. If you smell ripe, it’s one of two things—either you forgot the deodorant AGAIN or you tried wearing your shirt three times or more before putting it in the wash.

4. Your once thong underwear has been replaced by granny panties. Honestly, you wish you were introduced to granny panties earlier; those cotton briefs provide the most comfortable coverage for your entire rump and mid-section. It’s like strapping a cloud to your hiney.

3. That itsy bitsy, tiny weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini is now the mucho grande, control top coverage, Tankini in “new black.” You now hate wearing a bathing suit, and you’ve chosen black either to morn your loss or to help you look like you’ve shed a few extra pounds.

2. Your hair on most days could actually provide shelter for some feathered friends. Seriously, on the days that you have no time to shower, your hair is either swept up into a baseball cap or scrunched into a messy ponytail. Each hairdo provides hours of combing entertainment at the end of the day.

1. Your clothes haven’t matched since you were trying to look “cute” in your maternity gear. Now that your kids are the cute ones and you look like hell, why bother with the matching outfits, much less the matching coordinates.

And here is your bonus for today:

Muumuus are back in style—at least in your house. Oh, you may not have worn one out to a restaurant yet, but your neighbors have seen you wear one right along with the employees at your local supermarket. They are your new modern version to those tacky, skimpy sundresses.