The Four Milestones of 2025

This year, although not spectacular, was relatively peaceful for our little family. Lew spent the year on the mend from his knee surgery in late 2024; I spent most of the year trying to balance out my diet and hormone levels; Little Lewie learned about his lung limitations after his collapsed lung in 2024 (two more doctors' appointments confirmed Lewie would need an inhaler and to understand the "weird feelings" from his lung would be his new norm); and my mom, despite her bouts of tiredness, IBS, and neropathy in her feet, would still be relatively active. Thus, we were grateful that our immediate family and the four of us remained healthy this year.

We took trips to Rehoboth Beach, DE; Manchester, VT; and Sleepy Hollow, NY in between work, school, and our everyday routines. However, I cannot discount 2025 as another humdrum year...  In fact, this year, we had four major milestones...

4. I started my Doctor of Education at the University of Kansas (KU)--home of the Jayhawks. So far, I have taken a class in the summer and two in the fall, for a total of 9 credits, earning As in all three. I made a pact not to pressure myself to get As, so I am over the moon to know I still have what it takes to be a good student. The research papers and keeping up with the readings have been difficult, but the work is fun when you enjoy the subject matter! This has been a huge milestone as I never thought earning an Ed.D. would be in the cards for me. I have several more years to go, but at the very least, I learned I have the willpower to do this. I love my professors, my classmates (we meet virtually once a week), and the program!

3. Lewie received his Driver's Permit. In August, Lewie took the written exam at the DMV and passed with flying colors. Since then, he's been practicing on the road with Daddy Lew and me. The furthest he's traveled so far is about an hour and a half, round-trip, to bring me to my favorite restaurant for my birthday. I signed him up for driving lessons at a local driving school. Before his first lesson, I told Lewie the instructor would most likely have him do a few back roads in the country until he was more experienced. Boy, was I wrong! When we picked him up, he had quite the story to tell. "Guess where I was? You know the hospital I went to for my lung surgery? I passed by that, and I passed by the Peabody Museum!"

"Say what?" Daddy Lew and I both asked in astonishment. The driving instructor basically took Lewie to one of the hardest places to drive in Connecticut--downtown New Haven! Between awful drivers, trucks parked on the side of the road, traffic congestion, and one-way streets, Lewie was subjected to the worst of the worst. (Even I avoid driving in this area like the plague!) "Yeah, there were lots of people that swerved around us and even drove through red lights," he exclaimed. I thought that was a challenging route for a new driver who had been on the road only twice before, but in the end, I was grateful he had the experience. I was surprised by my mom's reaction when she heard the news. "That's one great driving instructor!"

For Christmas, Lewie received the whole "driving package." For $899, he will have virtual class sessions and eight hours worth of lessons. The bonus to spending this money, I learned, is that we will get an insurance discount when he officially gets his license. Many of his friends have had their licenses for over a year by now. Some even have their own cars and drive to school. I feel lucky that Lewie hasn't argued with us about getting it sooner.

2. I turned 50, or as Lewie likes to say, half a century old. I wrote about this milestone in a previous post, but I didn't write about my husband's gift. Only a few days after my birthday, I went to see the Broadway musical Hell's Kitchen at the historic Shubert Theater in NYC. My hubby bought the ticket, and my sister-in-law, Missy (with her best friend, Melanie, and daughter, Sarah), took me out for a day of fun! We picked up Sarah at Fordham University and had a delicious late lunch at an Italian restaurant a few blocks away. From there, we took the subway into Manhattan, where we walked through Times Square before ultimately getting to the theater. It was an outstanding performance, and the best part was that all three of us--Missy, Sarah, and I--were celebrating October birthdays. We didn't get home until well after 1 a.m.!

1. Lewie started the college tour.  As a junior in high school, Lewie is quickly approaching college application time! He's confident he wants to major in computer science and engineering with a possible minor in music. (As a higher education professional, I know we cannot place too much weight on majors at this age, but Lewie is fairly confident his future will be in computer science--gaming and computers have been his passion since he was six years old!) 

So far, we have visited three campus Open Houses this fall — at Sacred Heart University (my alma mater), the University of Connecticut (UCONN), and Quinnipiac University (QU) — in that order. To my surprise, UCONN is his first choice so far, though we won't completely discount the others. After all, I remind Lewie all the time that our ultimate decision will likely hinge on scholarships and financial aid packages. 

We still have a few more college visits to go, but I will write about "the college tour" in the spring after we visit the others — unless we decide to visit a few more during the summer. For now, we are looking at colleges within three hours of home. I don't think that will change, but then again, I never thought Lewie would love UCONN as much as he did either. 

Next year, we will be placing a hyperfocus on scholarships. It will be difficult while I'm attending college myself, but I remind myself every day that Lewie's success is most important. I'm not done being a parent yet!!!

On December 2nd, I had a fun surprise. The UCONN Huskies played the KU Jayhawks in the Big 12 Men's Basketball Conference. Of course, the UCONN Huskies were favored to win, and they did, but I showed Lewie the highlights. If he becomes a Husky, we'll essentially be on opposing teams, since my college is the Jayhawks.  We will see what the future brings!

Happy 2023 - A New, 365 Day Journey in Love

I'm a day late writing about the New Year--for this, the critical voice of self-judgement is brimming in my head, but I won't release that negative thought.  Not today.  Not this year.  (I hope.)

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I'm starting 2023 in a slightly awkward place.  My job was eliminated back in October, and I left feeling unappreciated for my 21 years of service.  Still, my heart jumps back and forth from aching to rejoicing. I knew for some time, I wasn't passionate about my work anymore.  I cared about many of the friends I made there, but the leadership was toxic--making callous decisions for their own self-preservation.

It was hard to leave, but I knew my exit would provide a new personal freedom--a freedom to start over again--a freedom to even recreate myself.  But, as I write this, my indecisive nature keeps me stifled.  "Who do I want to be?" I hear my subconscious voice ask my heart hundreds of times each day.  I read through lists of job openings, and I waffle. Do I want to work here?  What will the commute be like?  Will the pay be decent? Will I have a work-life balance?  Will the job feel rewarding?  Fear takes over until I remember that I've been craving a new beginning.  So, I am exactly where I need to be...

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2022 was an interesting year.  My sister-in-law was living with us for the first six months until she could find an affordable apartment.  My husband was taking her back and forth for chemo treatments while I was doing my best to help uplift her spirits and get her settled into a new place.  My son couldn't have friends over the house during this time, so we made up for it by taking the boys to the movies, snow tubing, rollerskating, and bowling.  Big Lew, Little Lewie, and I also had a chance to see Jim Gaffigan live at Foxwoods, which would be Lewie's first experience watching a standup comedian live. 

We all came down with COVID in May, which was quite a scare, but thanks to the vaccines and new medications on the market, we survived it without any complications. Still, I continue to have "brain fog" and wonder if it's from long COVID.

In June, we took a trip of a lifetime to see the Mighty Five National Parks in Utah.  I haven't begun to write about our full experience yet, but I have a folder on my desk with all the brochures, so I don't leave out any details. Highlights of the trip included hiking to the Delicate Arch, sleeping in a Tee-pee, learning how to "canyoneer," and winding our way around hoodoos and slot canyons.  It was the perfect distraction from my unfulfilling work life and my strange, public home life, where my sister-in-law was around 24/7 to see my every move.

In July, we helped my sister-in-law move out, and Lewie resumed his friend sleepovers.  They watched outside movies, swam at night, and ate breakfasts from Dunkin Donuts in the morning.  We also took them to Lake Compounce Amusement Park, Sand Jam Movie Night at Penfield Beach, and boat tubing on Lake Gardner.  It was an active summer, to say the least, which included tons of friend and family pool parties, too.

In September, the winds of change fell upon us.  My work colleagues and I learned that the college we worked for was "millions" of dollars in debt, and there would be layoffs, cancelled classes, and wage freezes.  Students would suffer the most because there would be less resources, activities, and classes to choose from all while their tuition increased.  I felt strangely uneasy and decided, rather than worry, to start reading the book I purchased this summer--Gabby Bernstein's The Universe Has Your Back.  (I had a chance to hear her speak at the Cornwall Library earlier this summer under a garden tent surrounded by lush greenery and cows--it was lovely!!)  Her words struck me, "To truly say yes to the love of the Universe means you have to look at your resistance and give up a thought system that you mistakenly identified as safety, security, and the foundation of your life."  In other words, I needed to release fear and control and say yes to love.  As I read further, it became abundantly clear that to say "yes" to a happy life, I needed to leave my job.  Then, one week before my October 3rd birthday, a mini-miracle happened.  The college did it for me.

I wish I could say I spent the last three months of my unemployment happily meditating and waiting for the perfect opportunity, but fear, as usual, reared its monstrous head from time to time.  In October, I had two promising job interviews for a college I liked, but when an internal candidate was selected over me, fear and self-doubt took over AGAIN.  Then I sent out more applications, resumes, and cover letters with no response.  This only heightened the worry.

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Today is the start of a new 365-day slate to begin again (364 days since I am writing on January 2nd).  I am still organizing my house, sending out job applications, and very deliberately reading through Gabby Bernstein's book, not wanting to rush the process of learning how to be "fully committed to love each day."  I believe in synchronicity and know I am purposefully being led down this path of self-discovery.  Now is my chance to break the cycle of fear and to embrace love, laughter, forgiveness, and understanding.  I know there is a plan, so for now, I am going to be patient, loving, and kind.  I am going to meditate, spend quality time with loved ones, and practice self-care.  I know fear isn't working for me, so I will LOVE with my thoughts, actions, and words this year...for my heart and head both know there really is a lot to LOVE and celebrate.

Words from one of my all-time favorite authors and role models. 
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Goodbye 2020. Hello 2021!

Goodbye 2020.  HELLO 2021.  This is how I'm feeling as I'm ready to begin a New Year--a year of health, tranquility, and peace of mind.

2020 was a year of anxiety, grief, and sadness.  We lost both my mother-in-law (Ninny) and my great aunt (Aunty Kiki) to Cancer, which led to many days of tears and regret.  Regret as in why didn't we invite Ninny to more pool parties, or why didn't we ask Aunty Kiki to come on vacations, like Woodloch, with us?  Still, when I give myself the opportunity to take a step back and examine the "why," I realize it wasn't a "one-way" street.  Sometimes I did extend invitations, but it was my relatives that lacked the time...

Anxiety came in many forms this year, too. First and foremost, I was worried about contracting COVID and bringing it back to my mom (something that still worries me); I was also worried for other compromised friends and family members.  My sister-in-law actually had it and was hospitalized.  At that point, the disease became very, very real.  One night in August I lied awake in bed having a panic attack because I thought I had actually caught it and gave it to my mom; we were both feeling cold and flu-like symptoms during the summer!

Fear took hold in other ways, too.  Was Lewie going to struggle with distance learning?  Was his fifth and sixth grade education going to be compromised?  Was he going to feel isolated and alone because he wasn't allowed to have friends visit or sleep-over the house?  

Also, what about job security?  Would we see a cut in our salaries or be asked to take a furlough?  Would my mom be forced to file for unemployment and then have to retire early?  Would her friends at work miss her?  Would she feel just as isolated and alone as Little Lewie?

Then, of course, there was discord on the national front.  Devastating fires and hurricanes, police brutality caught on camera, riots, hate groups, militias, political divisiveness etc.  I could continue, but why?  

Unfortunately, 2021 will have some of 2020's baggage.  There will be more deaths to COVID, more political unrest, more unemployment, more bankrupt businesses, etc.  Our hope and faith will be tested, for sure, but there's a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

Perhaps the most profound moment of 2020 is when I participated in a neuroscience webinar about emotional adaptability.  I'm not a psychologist, so this was a beginners' version.  It taught me a lot about the brain and how we think; our brains are actually wired to have negative thoughts (as a means of survival).  Eighty percent of all our daily thoughts are negative and 95% of those negative thoughts are the same ones we had the day before.  

Surely, we can't change our brain chemistry, but knowing this is all the more reason for us to pay attention to "mindfulness"--"a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment," including "one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations."  Being aware of our negative thought patterns is half the battle--the second part is to try and change the narrative.

This year, my one resolution involves changing the narrative.  I spent so much time worrying in 2020 that it negated the good times, such as adopting our puppy, Bruce; watching Lewie excel at distance learning and be named the first "virtual" Student of the Month; enjoying family dinners and game nights; and having more time to walk, reflect, and be in the moment (instead of making the mad dash to and from work each day).

Mindfulness is not going to change the fact that my brain, like everyone else's, will still continue to produce 80% negative thoughts, but those thoughts can be stopped and redirected to be happier ones.  This year, I will redirect my fear and worry and redirect all the negative self-talk that tells me I'm 1) too tired to do anything, 2) too unorganized, 3) too old, or 4) too boring.  I'll also try to stop the phrase that repeats itself in my head over and over again, "There's not enough time."  

What if this year, I started saying, "There's plenty of time" or "I will find the time?"  What if I used the words energized, organized, young, and fun in my vocabulary to counter the other words?  It won't be easy as our brains like to hold onto predictable patterns, but my mantra this year is Energy, Organized, and Fun.  If I believe it, then it becomes truth, right?

Above all else, I will remind myself to let go of fear.  Fear is part of our brain chemistry (found in all animals) that is used to keep us safe, but when left unchecked, it festers.  It turns to worry, stress, anger, and even hate.  It prevents us from living in the moment, from seeking adventure, or even from bettering ourselves.  This year, I will turn the life lessons of fear, anxiety, and regret in 2020 to start a new beginning and a new narrative.

New Year's Resolutions 2018

Happy 2018!  This year, I still want all the same things I pined for in 2017-- a healthier lifestyle, quality time with my son, more date nights, increased time with friends, and a larger bank account.  Still, this year, I want to focus on something more...

For once, my New Year's Resolution is to be me.  I think every spouse, parent, sibling, and employee can identify with me when I say that I've spent the last decade pleasing people.  (I think moms can especially relate.) I spend my valuable time at work, and when I'm not working, I'm helping my son with his homework, driving him to after-school activities, planning den and pack meetings for Cub Scouts, scheduling play dates, playing doctor, filing paperwork, planning budgets, grocery shopping, doing laundry, and keeping the house tidy.  (I'm sure I can add other burdensome chores to this list.)

The point I'm trying to make is that when there is always so much to do, I put me, the authentic me, on the back burner.  I forget who I am or what makes me happy.  This year, I'm coming back out, and my family needs to either learn to love some of the activities I enjoy or else let me have free time to enjoy them without making me feel guilty.  Of course, they really don't make me feel guilty--I'm the one that makes myself feel guilty.  So, my first resolution is to stop the guilt and let go...

What do I want to do in 2018?

1.  Bike, hike, walk, and be out in nature.  (My family can do this with me, and I'm going to request an outing at least once per week; during colder temps, it may need to be twice per month.)

2.  Read - I honestly can't remember a time I finished reading an entire book.  I'm going to dedicate at least 15 minutes per day to allow myself to read a favorite article, and on my car rides to and from work, I'll be listening to audio books.  During the summer, I'll try to squeeze in some reading days also...  Even better, I'll schedule in some family reading time.

3.  Blog - I need to get back into the groove of posting once per week and responding to my friends weekly, too.  Sharing our life and reading about others is just good for the soul.  I love my bloggy friends.

4.  Coffee Dates with Friends - I need to schedule at least one day per month to spend time w/ a friend--in-person.  Each month when I put together a calendar, I will schedule a "date" with a friend--even if it's just for an hour or two.  (I also want to plan a trip to visit my best friend, Mary Ann, in NJ.  She moved to her new home three years ago, and I still haven't had a chance to see it.)

5.  Date Night - Ideally, I would like for my husband and I to go on two date nights per month, but at this time, I'll even settle for one.  This is true time to connect by either spending time outdoors or going for dinner and a movie.  I'll begin by setting a date on the calendar each month.

6.  House Tours, Garden Tours, Historical Museums - These are all things I LOVE to do in my spare time.  I need to start scheduling days to do this with family, friends, or by myself.

7.  Time to Daydream - I need to set aside time each day/week to daydream.  What do I want to do this year?  Next?  In five-years?  I usually do this during my afternoon walks, which I hope to resume at work.  For a while, I was working through lunch to get things done.  I need to stop this trend and give myself back this hour of "me-time."

I love peace, nature, and beauty.  I love reading, writing, and learning.  I love instilling confidence in students, friends, family, and loved-ones.  I love green drinks at New Morning, plays in the park, movies at the beach, bike rides on the board walk, hikes in the forest, board games in the evening, star gazing at night, s'mores from a campfire, hot chocolate after sledding, and ice-cream at Rich's farm.

When it comes down to it, I just need to take time to "smell the roses."  I need to let go, savor the moment, be present, and forget about my "to-do" list.  If I can accomplish this in 2018, it WILL be a beautiful year...

Happy 2015!

Yesterday we took a quick one-day trip to New York City.  My son (who continues to adore trains) had his very first opportunity to take the train into the city and then take the subway to Times Square.  The City, just as we expected, was mobbed for the holiday, so it took a little extra time to get anywhere.  Still, we didn't hear a single complaint from Little Lewie about the long lines or the waiting...he was just too mystified by the tall buildings, the lights, and all the people.

I must admit that it was exhilarating to see the City start setting up for New Year's Eve.  The street barriers were already out and in position, and there were tons of trucks everywhere delivering alcohol, food, and ice.  I could already feel the energy.  One day...just one day...I'll be there to see the ball drop!

Starting our trip at Grand Central Station.

Lewie's first trip to the Big Apple and Grand Central.

Times Square (You can already see the police barriers lining the streets in preparation for New Year's Eve.)

So much fun!!

Rockefeller Center...

(So happy to have a picture of the three of us...)



The Lego Store's "replica" of Rockefeller Center.

On this New Year's Eve Day, as I reflect back on 2014, I must say that it's been a year of mixed blessings and emotions.  In the very same month, we both welcomed a new little baby cousin to the family and then lost a cherished uncle.  Our father-in-law became more ill but still kept up the strength to stay home and be with his family during the holidays. 

On the home front, my little boy started kindergarten and has matured exponentially in comparison to years before...  I love his cherished age of six as Christmas, Santa, and the holidays in general mean more to this little guy; still my heart misses years past when this little toddler wobbled his way to the Christmas tree and was satisfied playing with Christmas ornaments all day long.  My husband's and my marriage has grown stronger, but as a couple that both works full-time, we're still learning how to balance the ever delicate schedule of work, household chores, family, friends, and free-time.

At work, I received an unexpected promotion, which both provided more income while also requiring more responsibility.... 

Yes, 2014 has been a year of "trade-offs" so to speak.  For each new blessing has also come a new hardship or a new lesson to be learned.  Still, it's been a good year as our own little family has been healthy and has had many, many moments of laughter and smiles.

This 2015, I'm keeping my New Year's Resolutions simple.  Yes, I still have a list of goals for myself like eating healthier, spending more quality time with friends and family, and being the best mom and wife I can be...  Still, my main resolution, like last year, is to LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE.  Each year seems to go by faster and faster, and so when I start feeling like life is at maximum speed, I need to take a day off (or two) and remember my priorities, first and foremost, are to making lasting memories with my loved ones while I am blessed to have them with me.

Happy 2015 to you and your beautiful families.  May it be a year of Happiness, Love, and Laughter!



New Year's Trip to Saratoga Springs

This New Year's, we went to Saratoga Springs to celebrate the holiday.  Our goal was to go snow tubing on one day and to their awesome First Night on New Year's Eve, which has all sorts of juggling acts, puppet shows, and music for kids.

Unfortunately, on the very first night of our three-day trip, my husband came down with a stomach virus (the same one my mom and I suffered from weeks ago).  As much as he wanted to go out and explore with us, he was just too sick, and so he stayed in the hotel while Little Lewie and I went out. 

The weather, being very cold, windy, and raw, was not ideal for snow tubing, so we decided to spend one day going to the Children's Museum at Saratoga and another day going to the miSci Museum of Innovation and Science in nearby Schenedtady, NY. 

The good news is that the hotel and both museums ended up being a hit!  Lewie's two big fascinations in this world are elevators and trains, and so on this trip, he was able to have fun with both.  The hotel where we stayed, The Gideon Putnam, is an old resort from the 1930's that had both a modern day elevator and an old service elevator.  Since Lewie has never seen an "old elevator" before, that became the highlight of the hotel...nevrmind the fact that the hotel is unbelievably gorgeous, and that there was a wedding there right on New Year's Eve!  (I so wanted to be a wedding crasher.)

I loved their Christmas display!

A life-size nutcracker.

The old, still-functional, service elevator that Lewie adored.

 

Lewie was particularly fascinated by the working levers instead of digital numbers/buttons.

 

Couldn't you just see yourself getting married here?



How about getting married here now?

How about now?

I just love the view overlooking Saratoga Spa State Park.

 

The museums provided Lewie's second love--trains.  At the Children's Museum, Lewie had the chance to pretend he was the driver and conductor of a play trolley (complete with a ticket booth and actual tickets), and at the miSci Museum, Lewie had a chance to see a huge display of model trains up front and in-person.  I wish I had captured video of his very first reaction to seeing it because quite honestly, his excitement could be heard throughout the entire museum.  For hours, Lewie ran around the big train table following the trains.  (I do have some quick videos to show...)

Driving the trolley...

Tickets?  Get your tickets.

Lewie had fun running up and down the trolley singing the "Hot Chocolate" song from the Polar Express.

Preparing a meal in the "play" diner.

I love a man in the kitchen.

Of course, we had to treat ourselves to milkshakes afterwards--that's what the holidays are for!

Okay, so I had to take one more picture of the milkshake. 

Running into the miSci Museum on a snowy and frigid cold day.

A mini train and amusement park display--so cool.

The town and trolley on the opposite side of the train display.

Here comes the trolley!

Do you see four little boy heads peering above the train display?

Here are those four little heads again.

And one more time.  (They were standing like this for about 30 minutes...)
 

 

 

 

 

Finally, for New Year's Eve Day, my husband was feeling a little better, and so we had a chance to visit our favorite restaurants in the area.  We went to the Olde Bryan Inn (established in 1773) for brunch, and for New Year's Eve Dinner, we went to Ravenous, our favorite crepe place.  (Hubby and I came to Saratoga Springs before for New Year's Eve 2006, so eating at these restaurants have now become a mini-tradition.)

Eating at the Olde Bryan Inn.  (Can you tell that my husband still looks somewhat under the weather?)

The rustic restaurant.  I just love this place!

The Olde Bryan Inn from the outside.

New Year's Eve Day is downtown Saratoga.

Our favorite crepe place, Ravenous.

I think this is a private residence in downtown Saratoga.  It's big enough to be a Christmas village.

Ringing in the New Year at Ravenous with chocolate crepes...

All in all, it was a fun trip.  It wasn't exactly how I imagined it, but I was happy my husband was feeling good enough on New Year's Eve to come out to celebrate with us, even if just for a short while.  Lewie told me he would miss the hotel and the elevator, so for me, the trip was well worth it!