Bachelorette Party Uncensored!


Last Saturday, I hosted a Bachelorette party for one of my best friends through college and grad school. (She's getting married on the 22nd of this month.) We had fun doing all the typical "last night out as a single chick" things. For example, the night started with the official crowing of "Miss Bachelorette." We placed a shiny tiara and white veil on her head and gave her a white feather boa to wear around her neck. Then, we began tallying points as she completed some of our fun and zany tasks. She waved to guys, danced with them, pinched their butts, and asked them to marry her. She got several bartenders to give her free drinks, and then she climbed up to the DJ booth where she showed off her dance moves right above our heads. (As we watched her from the dance floor, she was this glowing white vision--her white boa and veil glowed in the dark and twirled in every direction imaginable.)

I'll have to admit that the idea of a "girls' night out" did entice me for awhile. After all, it has been more than two years since I went dancing with my husband and more than four years since I went dancing with my girlfriends. However, once the night began, the allure quickly faded. Here's what I learned:

1) I'll never fit into my "club clothes" again. Even after months of walking, dieting, and doing Pilates, it seems that I can't get rid of that "muffin top" bulge that likes to droop over my pants. Goodbye old tube tops, hello loose, baggy shirts!

2) Guys at bars/dance clubs have few manners. Now-a-days, it seems that the accepted way to pick up chicks is to bypass small talk and go right for the dancing/grinding. Twice, I had two different guys begin dancing with me from behind. It wasn't until I felt them try to press their body close to mine that I realized I was being summoned to some type of modern day mating ritual.

3) Guys at bars/dance clubs have commitment issues. Not long after entering the club, a guy tried to strike a conversation with me. After I quickly told him that I'm married and have a two year-old at home, he said in reply, "Oh, good for you. I could never get married. I would never want to lose my freedom."

4) The bathroom stalls are atrocious. Going potty in a dance club always gives me the creeps. Sure enough, as I walked into the women's room, a long line was forming because it appeared that two of the four stalls were out of service due to bodily excrements that I'd rather not discuss at this time. Let's just say that I'd rather change my little boy's poopy diapers any day of the week over having to clean out one of those stalls. I feel bad for the poor soul that has to do it.

5) Dance clubs get way too crowded. By the time it turned a little past midnight, the dance floor started resembling one big mob of people pushing each other more than a group of people dancing. For the rest of the evening, I stood in place and swayed from side to side in tempo to the music as my arms stayed firmly glued to my sides. I felt more like a toy soldier marching in place than a person showing off her old-school dance moves.

Overall, I enjoyed the bachelorette party because my girlfriend was just so happy to finally be getting married. (She's been waiting for this moment with her boyfriend for over 13 years. I know. I know. That's a whole 'nother story in itself.) However, as for enjoying the club scene, well, let's just say that I enjoy my simple "committed" life at home better.


  1. Okay, this cracked me up. I think I would be to embarrassed to show up in my old club clothes - hankerchief shirts were "in" when I was a clubber, basically just a triangle knotted in the back!

  2. I know!!! One of my friends is organizing a night out on Saturday. We used to really rip it up (before kids), but now? I'm thinking I don't even want to go. I was like, we're not going out until after 9:00????? That is so late! :)

  3. It just isn't the same, is it!! Kudo's to you for hanging out until after midnight - I think I would have lasted until 10:00, tops.

    Following you from Follow Me, Chickadee!

  4. This is too funny! LOL, there is no way I could fit into my old club clothes either. Also, I so feel you on all the club issues. I have a bachelorette party I am going to in Sept. and I am so happy it will be in Napa Valley, CA and not at clubs or bars.

  5. I never was one to frequent clubs. I tried and tried to enjoy myself, but the smoke and loud music and raunchy males didn't even appeal to me when I was single. I've never been to a bachelorette party. I'm going to try to find your e-mail so I can forward a hilarious joke about public ladies' rooms. I much prefer being a home-body myself, especially with my kiddoes nearby. -EW


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