A Christmas Story

Once upon a time, long long ago (okay just last year actually), in a far off land (okay in Connecticut) lived a little one year old boy who was going to meet Santa Claus for the very first time.  His mother was very excited and took out his best linens (a cute Christmas outfit I bought on eBay), and bathed him to prepare him for the big event.

The little boy was confused about what was going on.  Why all this special attention? he thought.  Still, he took his bath and let his mother dress him up, completely unaware of what would happen next.

"You are going to meet Santa Claus," said Mommy excitedly.  "He has traveled from the North Pole to the Milford, Connecticut Mall just to meet you.  His eight flying reindeer may be there too."

Santa Claus?  Who is this Santa Claus? thought the little boy.

As his mother started getting dressed in her finest linens for the big event too, she let her son play with the closet doors.  He always enjoyed going in and out to play "peek-a-boo," and a few times she joined in the fun too.  "Peek-a-boo, I see you," said Mommy as she hopped into the closet to tickle him.

The little boy, in all his laughter and excitement, ran out of the closet, lost control of his little feet, and boom--crashed into the bed post.

"Oh my," (Okay insert cuss word here) said Mommy.  "How could this have happened?"  She cuddled her screaming boy and discovered he was bleeding above his eye.  "Oh no!  It's worse than I thought," whined Mommy.

She immediately took out her first aid kit to stop the bleeding and the swelling.  She was able to calm down her infant toddler, but the cut above his eye would not be disappearing anytime soon.  "Maybe I can put an elf hat on his head to hide the cut" thought Mommy, but the idea didn't really work.

Soon Daddy came home from work to partake in the big event too.  Upon seeing what had happened, he took a long pause.  (Okay it was about 30 seconds.)  "It seems to me that we should save this event for another day," said Daddy.  Now Daddy often was the voice of reason in the household, but Mommy often had the last say.

"We can't save it for another day," said Mommy in great angst.  "We need to do it today.  You already took time off from work, and we only have a week left before Christmas."

So off went Mommy, Daddy, and Little Lewie to see this wonderful, magical Santa Claus, and just as promised, he sat on his high throne in all his splendor waiting to meet good little boys and girls.  Although his reindeer did not come along for the ride, he did bring his snowflake village of larger than life candy canes, Christmas ornaments, and nutcrackers. 

"Here we are," said Mommy rushing to get a place in line before many of the other mothers with their children.  "Excuse me lady, but we were here first," she announced, knocking one woman to the floor.  (Okay, I really didn't do this, but hey, I probably felt like it at one point.)

So there stood Mommy, Daddy, and Lewie waiting to meet the great, wondrous Santa Claus.  The anticipation was enormous for all, especially Little Lewie who was fighting to get out of his stroller.

"Do you think we should have brought him to the hospital to get stitches?" asked Mommy, surveying the cut above his eye. 

"No, it stopped bleeding," said Daddy, "so I don't think there'd be a need for stitches."

As other moms looked at Little Lewie's bruise in disgust or curiosity, Mommy stood strong, for she knew the bruise was only from an unfortunate accident.

Finally after a long 45 minute wait, the moment to meet Santa Claus had finally arrived.  Mommy and Daddy took their son out of the stroller and proudly placed him on Santa Claus's lap.

 "He's all wet," mumbled Daddy, "he must have peed through his outfit." 

"Shhhhush," said Mommy trying to get a glorious picture of this momentous event.

"Wahhhhh," screamed Lewie fighting with Santa to get out of his grasp. 

And in a few short seconds, the moment the family had all been waiting for had ended.  Yes, the moment had ended with zero pictures, a flustered little boy, and a Santa Claus with (most likely) a wet lap.

And so, the family fled the mall having learned a great lesson--Don't bring your child to meet Santa after he's hurt himself and has already had a bad day.

The end.