A Perfectionist's List of Resolutions for the New Year

I'm a definite Type A personality.  I'm hard on myself a lot, and I'm a perfectionist.  I know this is a part of my personality that I need to work on, but it's hard to dismiss it when it has helped me earn much in life.  For example, being a perfectionist helped me get excellent grades in college, scholarships, my teaching and administrative career, and, I think, my great husband.  Still, there are times when my desire to be "perfect" gets in the way or gets me needlessly upset, especially when life throws those unexpected curve balls that interfere with everything.  Instead of being someone who is strong and can handle these challenges, I end up being the one ready to have a nervous breakdown because these challenges weren't part of "the plan."

As a perfectionist, I LOVE New Year's Resolutions.  You see, for me, starting a New Year is all part of my plan to throw away the old year and start a new "perfect" year.  Yes, every year around this time, I create a list for myself (usually of 10 to 15 New Year's Resolutions) that I believe are vital toward my happiness.  Last year, they were anything from losing weight and being healthy to being the best mom ever to being the best wife, daughter, friend, etc. etc.  For the most part, I actually kept up with most of these resolutions until maybe August when other, unexpected life situations came up that made my perfect world turn into one huge belly flop (you know--the one that stings enormously and even makes you get water up your nose.)

Perhaps one year I'll actually surprise myself and dismiss New Year's resolutions altogether.  Then I'll be forced to let go of this desire to live a "perfect life," and I'll actually teach myself to just "go with the flow."  Unfortunately, this isn't the year.  This year, I'm still making New Year's resolutions, but I've decided to cut back, and even more, I've decided to make them about helping me curb my desire to be the best.  Here they go...

1.  To be a kinder and gentler person with myself and others.  

I'm hard on myself, and because of this, I have the same unrealistic expectations for others.  This, to me, is not a good quality since it can make me seem judgmental and even a little bit critical.  My husband over the years has created names for me and this behavior.  I've been called "a judgmental nerd" and "the fun police" (e.g.  "Watch out Little Lewie, here comes the fun police.  Don't let her catch you having too much fun.")

2.  To be grateful and to continue my gratitude journal.
I found I was less envious of others and more appreciative when I wrote in my gratitude journal every few days.  Once I stopped writing, I found myself returning to my old ways--wanting more money, a bigger house, a better job...the list goes on and on.  Oh, I don't want to give up on particular dreams, but, at the same time, I don't want to forget about all the blessings, both small and big, we've been given as a family.

3.  To be a good mother and then a good wife and daughter.
I had a similar New Year's resolution last year, but I gave up the word "best" for "good."  If I use the word "best" I'm comparing myself to all the other mothers, wives, and daughters out there.  I have to be realistic with myself...I'm not always going to be "the best" mom.  I can't always expect to get a gold star of achievement.  In fact, during these past few days that I've been sick, I haven't been "the best."  How can I when I'm hunched over in pain?   My goal is to be a good, patient, and loving mom as much and as often as I can.

4.  To practice good health.
Again, I changed my verbiage here.  Last year my goal was to lose exactly 20 pounds and to be in stellar health.  Well, I have to pat myself on the back for losing weight, but I haven't exactly did my best to eat a well balanced diet, get enough sleep, or follow a regular exercise routine.  I can try to do more in this area, but again, realizing that I won't be "stellar."

5.  To create a budget we can live with.
Last year, I didn't do well with budgeting at all.  I don't think I had one in place, and still, I had unrealistic expectations about how much money I wanted us to save.  Instead of saving money, we actually took a lot out of our savings.  I have to be thankful that both my husband and I have jobs, but at the same time, I need to plan for life's unexpected moments, so that I don't have a mental breakdown when we need a new transmission, new tires, a new furnace, etc. etc.

6.  To work on my e-book.

This year I came up with a plan to write an e-book to help high school students plan for college success.  I've completed about half of my project, but like always, life does get in the way.  To me, both this project and my blogging are my hobbies.  I'll always do my best to make time for them, but I also need to recognize that I need to keep a healthy balance and understand when other priorities have to come first.

7.  To savor life's both big and small moments.

Amen. This is something I seem to forget when I'm constantly planning for a perfect future.

Okay, I still have a pretty long list, but I thank you for taking this journey with me.  Whether you have some New Year's resolutions or none at all, I wish you many, many blessings in 2011 and always.  One thing that I will never forget about 2010 is all the great friends I made through blogging.  And this wasn't even on my New Year's resolution list.  To all of my friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your lives, your advice, and your kindness.