This week is one of those times of mild insanity. Last minute presents are bought, gifts are waiting to be wrapped, Christmas cards still need to be mailed, and by the time we should be getting ready to eat dinner, I'm passed out on the couch, too tired to lift myself up. (Even my little two year old can't seem to wake me from this coma, even though, lately, he likes to crawl on top of me and smoosh his face into mine...)
Yes, right now, I'm doing everything I can to hold it all together. I smile on the outside, but on the inside, I feel like screaming...perhaps even running away from it all. Still, since running away isn't an option, my only other survival technique is to let things go and have a good laugh. Yes, this year, I'm pretty sure this Christmas will be far from perfect, but hey, at least once it's over, I know I can have a good laugh about it.
Here are a list of top ten Christmas bloopers to lift your spirits and tickle your funny bone. Remember if things don't go exactly as planned, you can always blame the Christmas elves. Why not? Since Christmas is a holiday of magic and imagination, anything can happen...
10. You have one of those really bad gift wrapping days. You know, those days when you can't measure the right amount of paper for the life of you. Every single time, you either overestimate the amount of paper or underestimate. Thus, the end result is a present that looks like it was wrapped by a two year old. (Hey...what a great excuse. Yeah, I was letting my two year old wrap presents--with scissors and all. It works. Don't judge.)
9. The blasted Christmas tree won't stand straight. No matter how many times you readjust the stand or turn the tree around to face a different side, you still have the Leaning Tower of Pisa standing, no leaning, directly in front of you. The answer is to overcompensate with Christmas ornaments. Perhaps smothering the tree with lights, bulbs, garland, and tinsel will do the trick...Now instead of guests whispering about your leaning tree, they can snicker at the hideous decorations. Great conversation piece!
8. You buy your Aunt Gertrude another lovely Christmas sweater again, only this time she calls you out on it..."Don't you think I have enough Christmas sweaters by now. You've only bought one for me...let's see...every Christmas for the last twenty years..."
7. You get caught re-gifting. Let's explain. You see, you were very smart in making sure that the re-gift goes to a different person, but your child sells you out..."Mommy...didn't Aunt Gertrude buy you that candle and you said it smelled funny?" (Right from the mouth of babes...)
6. You drink too much brandy eggnog, and now you've decided to perform some Christmas karaoke, only you don't know the words to most of the songs and there's no karaoke machine.
5. You literally fall asleep during midnight mass--head tilted backward, mouth open, drool and all. Or, instead, you perform the Christmas bob. Yes, throughout mass, your head is bobbing away as you repeatedly catch yourself falling asleep and try to reposition your head to the "alert" pose again and again.
4. Your child discovers his "Santa presents" weeks before Christmas in the trunk of your car. "Are those my presents?" he gasps. "Why yes," you answer. "Santa's having surgery this Christmas, so he can't deliver them himself. I offered to drive up to the North Pole to get them." (Hey, in this scenario, you come out looking heroic. Yes, you helped Santa and saved the day by making that grueling trip to the North Pole. Score!)
1. You start handing out gifts to all of your relatives when you realize...gulp...you forgot to buy a gift for your Great Uncle Arthur. Ordinarily you would never lie on such a sacred day, but how can you tell him that you actually forgot him this year? "Oh, Uncle Arthur...it looks like we may have left your present at the store. I knew we should have double checked our shopping cart before leaving Wal-mart. Damn!"
Remember Christmas will come again next year, so if things don't go exactly as planned, you always have the chance to make things right in 2011. I hope it's a happy holiday for you no matter what bloopers may come your way...