Starting Anew

5.31.2011

There have been lots of changes this month--good, bad, indifferent.  My husband and I have been working on our marriage.  Some difficulties have surfaced as in any marriage, and through it, we have both learned that we need to turn to our faith to help us.  It is at these moments that I feel most vulnerable.  Letting go of control and trusting the future will work itself out is not easy, and yet, I know, in some way, my prayers will be answered.

Little Lewie has his own set of changes this month.  After spending nine months at the college daycare, he "graduated" and must now attend a new daycare for the summer.  He started last week, and while I'm impressed with their itinerary of summer activities, play groups, and teachers, Little Lewie still seems to feel lost in this sea of brand new faces.  This morning was incredibly difficult as right away, he noticed we were driving in the direction of the daycare.

"Mommy...go home.  Go home!" He announced from the backseat. 

"You're going to have fun," I reassured him.

"No. Mommy. No.  Go home!"

Bringing him inside the building wasn't any easier.  He kept telling me to "sit down" and "stay here."  Evidently, if I was going to bring him to the daycare, then he wanted me to stay with him too.  I stayed for a few minutes and then realized I wasn't doing the teachers any favors.  The screaming, crying, and tears were only being prolonged until I made my announcement that I had to leave.  It took quite some time for Little Lewie to get accustomed to being left at his other daycare.  It may take a month of so for him to get adjusted again.  (This has not been easy on my "mommy guilt" as I'm almost in tears for the next 40 minutes as I drive to work.)

Hmmm....what can I say about change?  It's hard--mega-hard.  It's stressful, and most of the time, it's unavoidable.  Change happens whether we like it or not.  What I've learned in these past few months is that the only thing we can control is our reaction to change.  We can either let go and embrace it or fight it.  I've tried fighting it...it doesn't work.  My little boy's favorite song is "Row, row, row your boat."  Yesterday, as we sang the song together, I realized my answer has always been in this song.  All along, I've been trying to row upstream--battling the current, using every ounce of my energy, and eventually being pushed back to where I started.  Today, I'm going to row merrily down the stream.  I might not know where I'm going, but I'll trust that the current knows the way...

6 comments:

  1. Oh poor Little Lewie. Change can be a hard thing. He is so little and does not quite get why he was having such a wonderful time in one place and is now in a new one. He will adjust though. It is the hardest on mommys! You are right about turning to our faith to help us when we need it. I am sure this will strengthen your marriage. Have a great day my friend!

    Mama Hen

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  2. You're just making your way. Believe me, I understand. Hubbs and I are stuck right there, too. Little Lewie will adjust and you'll all get back into the rhythm of things. And yes..gotta have faith. It's so crucial. I always have to remind myself to pray more, worry less, and leave it in God's hands. I'll be thinking about y'all.

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  3. well, you hang in there...things will always end up the way they should be...as you said, HAVE FAITH. Love your merrily down the stream analogy...SO TRUE.

    Oh and little Lewie...he'll adjust! It takes time, but he'll ge there.

    ((hugs)) to you this week!

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  4. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about all this in your life but sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Hope Lewie sees the fun in his days. Changes are so hard on the little ones sometimes.

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  5. Change is hard, and marriage suddenly gets so much more complicated as the family grows. I understand about mommy guilt. Right now, I am trying so hard to help my little guy (19 months) nap in his crib, and he is fighting hard. I feel horrible!!! Good luck to Little Lewie at his new day care :)

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  6. Coming from the side of the "teacher" in a daycare setting, kids really do adjust to their environment faster the quicker the parents vacate the premises. I remember my "babies" at Parent's Day Out would settle down once mom or dad left. As a parent, however, I understand how difficult it is to leave a child who is upset. I think the kids pick up on the parents' emotions and "mommy guilt" as you called it. Little Lewie will be okay, and so will you!
    One of my patients the other day was about to celebrate his 65th wedding anniversary. I'll bet all 65 of those years were not peaches and cream, but they made it. I told him I'd try hard to hang in there and eventually catch up with him and his wife. Marriage requires lots of work and communication, the need for which are compounded with parenthood. You can do it. Merrily, merrily, merrily, -E

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