Starting Anew

There have been lots of changes this month--good, bad, indifferent.  My husband and I have been working on our marriage.  Some difficulties have surfaced as in any marriage, and through it, we have both learned that we need to turn to our faith to help us.  It is at these moments that I feel most vulnerable.  Letting go of control and trusting the future will work itself out is not easy, and yet, I know, in some way, my prayers will be answered.

Little Lewie has his own set of changes this month.  After spending nine months at the college daycare, he "graduated" and must now attend a new daycare for the summer.  He started last week, and while I'm impressed with their itinerary of summer activities, play groups, and teachers, Little Lewie still seems to feel lost in this sea of brand new faces.  This morning was incredibly difficult as right away, he noticed we were driving in the direction of the daycare.

"Mommy...go home.  Go home!" He announced from the backseat. 

"You're going to have fun," I reassured him.

"No. Mommy. No.  Go home!"

Bringing him inside the building wasn't any easier.  He kept telling me to "sit down" and "stay here."  Evidently, if I was going to bring him to the daycare, then he wanted me to stay with him too.  I stayed for a few minutes and then realized I wasn't doing the teachers any favors.  The screaming, crying, and tears were only being prolonged until I made my announcement that I had to leave.  It took quite some time for Little Lewie to get accustomed to being left at his other daycare.  It may take a month of so for him to get adjusted again.  (This has not been easy on my "mommy guilt" as I'm almost in tears for the next 40 minutes as I drive to work.)

Hmmm....what can I say about change?  It's hard--mega-hard.  It's stressful, and most of the time, it's unavoidable.  Change happens whether we like it or not.  What I've learned in these past few months is that the only thing we can control is our reaction to change.  We can either let go and embrace it or fight it.  I've tried fighting it...it doesn't work.  My little boy's favorite song is "Row, row, row your boat."  Yesterday, as we sang the song together, I realized my answer has always been in this song.  All along, I've been trying to row upstream--battling the current, using every ounce of my energy, and eventually being pushed back to where I started.  Today, I'm going to row merrily down the stream.  I might not know where I'm going, but I'll trust that the current knows the way...