My goal for 2019 was short and sweet--to be more organized and to remind myself to live in the "now," which is to say to remember to savor a moment or several moments each day. I have to say that I was doing well with schedules, too. January, February, and March (from what I remember) were a dream. I scheduled romantic dates, friend dates, and play dates along with my work responsibilities, and suddenly, my life felt like it had direction--it had focus!
Then on one fateful day in March 2019, my simple resolution came crashing down. I was given a promotion! It was a "temporary" one, maybe three or four months at best, but I didn't know whether I should be overjoyed by the offer or worried about its responsibility and commitment. I decided to welcome it with open arms. It was a chance for me to shine--to prove that I could be extraordinarily good at my job and that I could be a quick study. I would have new people reporting to me, and I would need to learn how their departments operated. I would also have a "voice" on the Cabinet of the College. I could be "in the know," and maybe I could even have influence on important decisions.
The first few months were a blur. My schedule from previous years was altered, and suddenly I found myself with more night and weekend commitments. There were more meetings, more people seeking my advice, and more people relying on me to get certain approvals for their departments. The Utopian version of being my best self at work was a fantasy. I was getting things done but barely. Many responsibilities were written on a "to do" list at work that only seemed to get longer and longer with each passing week. People who reported to me were sympathetic that I was taking on two positions, but they did not necessarily see me as the helpful supervisor they hoped for or once envisioned.
Then the three-to-four month responsibility turned into five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten months. (I still have it, but there looks like an end in sight--maybe even this month, in January!) Not only did I feel inadequate at work but inadequate at home, too. I found myself having less time for my family and friends, less time for walking, less time for blogging, and less time for daydreaming. The extra money made it possible to plan a surprise trip to Disney, but after the trip, it was back to the same "rat-race"with the perception that I had it altogether when in reality, I felt like nothing was together.
This year, I'm going back to my original plan of scheduling fun time, getting organized, and finding something to appreciate about each day. Being offered a promotion at work was amazing (I cherish all the friendships I've made and things I've learned along the way), but I'm ready to have my old life back. The extra money and perceived prestige seemed important at the time, but they can't replace family, friends, love, laughter, good health, tranquility, peace of mind, and me-time. Most importantly, I can't and won't let it replace this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch Little Lewie grow up. I still have a whole other decade (the 2020's) to be an influence in his life, and I want us, our family, to have fun. Life is just too precious and just too short.
This year, this decade even, I want to laugh, celebrate, have fun, be kind, and be grateful. I'll continue to make short-term and long-term goals, but as long as I approach each day with one or all of these sentiments, I can be me, I can feel whole, and I can feel like I'm truly living. I don't want to live my life like I'm racing against the clock anymore. Instead, I want to embrace it. This year, these are the two quotes that will change everything:
This year, that most important thing is listening to my heart and the Divine--then, time will surrender to love, peace, and purpose (and not the other way around). Happy New Year and Happy New Decade!
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Happy New Year to you and your family!
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