Mommy Spirit: Hello 2022. It's Nice to Meet You.

Hello 2022. It's nice to meet you. Since we've only had a day to get to know each other, let me fill you in on my life.

My walk on New Year's Day, 2022.

2021 started out rather peaceful and quiet, but as restrictions from the pandemic lifted, I found myself simultaneously excited and distraught--excited because we could resume travel and Lewie could be with his friends in person once more but distraught because the pressures of work and returning "to normal" would mean that the security blanket would be lifted. As expected, as our lives became busier in late July, our time for family or even "me time" disappeared.

Evidently, my feelings of sadness and remorse for saying goodbye to a simpler life were not an anomaly. Tons of people were feeling this same way, only they were showing it through road-rage, quitting their jobs (the great resignation), or seeking therapy. "Mental-health" became the new buzzword inside schools, colleges, and even places of employment, but then the holidays came with the new Omicron Variant, and there was no time to think about "mental-health." People either hunkered down once more, or they visited with friends and family anyway, only to hope this new variant would be less potent than the ones before.

Now I sit at home during the last day of Christmas vacation wondering, is it safe to go back to work again? Is it safe for Lewie to return to school? The positivity rate here in Connecticut hit 20%, not to mention that because we've all come out of our bubbles, we are seeing regular cases of the common cold and the flu again. We've all been tested, relieved to know that our coughs, sore throats, headaches, and runny noses are nothing more than a cold--a cold we managed to avoid last year since we were able to work from home.

2021 had some bright spots. In the winter, we went snow tubing several times and managed to squeeze in a wonderful snowmobiling trip to Vermont. In the spring/summer, Lewie had full access to see his friends again, and he did everything imaginable, from going to the movies with them, to amusement parks, pool parties, sleepovers, and random get-togethers. In July, we were also able to pull off a dream vacation to the Pacific Northwest, a goal of mine since I was a teenager. For two amazing weeks, we explored Olympic National Park, Seattle, Portland, and Sunriver, OR. (The trip was so extensive that I've only written about the first five days so far...) I was also able to take my mom on some varied day trips, which although they were not far from home, did provide some special mother-daughter time that I find myself needing, especially since she's had some health concerns.

2021, of course, has not been perfect. Besides my own tumultuous relationship with the pandemic and getting used to returning to the "office," our family has had a number of unusual health concerns. My mom started 2021 with a broken bone in her foot. In March, she started undergoing tests to find out why she was having stomach pains all the time--tests that ruled out Cancer but were still inconclusive. In May, the weekend after Mother's Day, she fell, breaking her right wrist, a vertebra in her back, and injuring her right shoulder. (Her mobility hasn't been the same since, and she still struggles with pain.)

My husband started improving his health by signing up for Medi-Weightloss. At his peak, he lost over 40 lbs and was converting lots of fat into muscle, particularly because he had developed his own exercise routine--practicing breakdancing moves such as popping and locking. (One day I'm going to post his talent on my blog.) During our two-week trip, he struggled to find comfortable places to sleep and so his back pain returned with a vengeance. In November, the stress of worrying about his ill sister sent him over the edge. What started out as high blood pressure and neck pain soon moved to radiating pain down his left arm, hand, and then chest. For weeks, we were worried he was going to have a heart attack until tests proved his heart is in good condition. Now, the focus into the new year is getting an MRI on his neck, which is more than likely the origin of his pain.

His sister, who is living with us at the moment, will be undergoing treatments for Breast Cancer. In her lifetime, she has had too many ailments to count, and my mother-in-law (deceased in 2020) was more or less her caretaker for a good portion of her life. Unfortunately, none of us here have the lifestyle nor physical well-being/energy to take care of her (especially at this moment), and so we are hoping a convalescent home or assisted living facility will take her in, particularly while she is undergoing treatment. It's a tough hill to climb because although my sister-in-law is disabled, she is only 54. (Most facilities will not even consider her unless she is 55+, and even then, they want money--lots of it.)

So, 2022, it's nice to meet you. I've actually been waiting for your arrival for quite some time. You see, last year has been tough, and we still have so many unanswered questions. Will we find a place for my sister-in-law? Will we find the origin of my husband's pain and help him get back on the road to recovery? Will my own heavy heart be healed? You see, through all of this, I've been struggling with my own mental-health. (Yes, here's that word again.)

I'm grateful for so much in my life and yet, I find myself craving one that will help me feel passionate, whole, and alive again. I made one move in the right direction; I bought an electric car again. (I haven't had one since 2016.) During the quiet times of solitude during the pandemic, I found myself consumed in reading articles about the environment and wanting to do more to preserve and protect our national and international treasures. A warmer planet has brought so much destruction to the lives of so many, and in some cases, even famine. It's hard to pretend climate change doesn't exist when taking a National Park trip--evidence, such as the charred trees from forest fires, the disappearing glaciers in the mountains, or the hazy skiies beyond the canyons, is everywhere. Yellowstone just sent out their annual newsletter, where they talk about shorter winters, less snow, and the impact it's having on their ecosystem, including the bears, wolves, and wildlife in general.

We "talk" about creating a sustainable future, which includes higher seawalls and stronger structures to withstand storms, but what about the things we can do now to halt or even reverse the effects of climate change? 2022, I hope you will help bring me answers. If my passion is for the environment, am I meant to just spend my years visiting National Parks, or am I meant to do more? If I'm meant to do more, what do I do? What am I qualified to do? How can I make a difference? And, if I can make a difference, can I do it by being happy and positive instead of depressed and a "Debbie Downer"?

I usually spend my New Year's blog posts making a list of resolutions--eat less, exercise more; spend less, save more; worry less, laugh more, etc. etc. This year my resolution is to find me. To make time to find me. I feel a calling to do something different, and yet, I don't know what it is... Of course, my family will always come first--their happiness, especially the happiness of Little Lewie, gives me happiness. But this year, I hope to take a step (or maybe a few steps) closer to my purpose.

I have faith that I will find the way... Even this photo from yesterday, 1/1/22, shows a foggy path with a clear arrow pointing ahead. I will follow that arrow with faith, hope, trust, and love.