Happy 50th Birthday to Me!

I turned 50. It was quick, painless, and without too much fanfare. 

Truth is...I've been feeling like I turned 50 two years ago. Changing jobs and starting at several new places had already had me tackling the big questions — what do I want to do with the second chapter of my life? Do I see myself working another 15, 20, or 25 years?

My health prompted me to ask other questions. Did I go through perimenopause or menopause? Why do I often feel tired and forgetful? 

Last year, at age 49, I began seeking answers. My new career with our state community college system solidified that I want to work in higher education for the rest of my life — and, more, that I want to return to school to pursue higher positions (as I had before). I have just completed two fall courses toward my Doctor of Education and, surprisingly, am making it work — with my career, my son, my husband, my mom, and my friends and family.

I also learned that I am in menopause or even post menopause. With low hormone levels, I've been having the following symptoms:

• Hot flashes and night sweats
• Brain fog, difficulty concentrating, and memory problems
• Irritability, anxiety, and depression
• Joint pain, muscle aches, and weight gain, and
• Exhaustion and sleep disturbances

I changed my diet and started taking supplements to counteract these changes, but truthfully, I still experience a combination of these symptoms every day.  One day it might be exhaustion, depression, and brain fog--another day it might be anxiety, muscle aches, and hot flashes. I am continuing on a path to wellness and may write more about it at a future date.

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For my birthday, I had two requests. One was to go out to my favorite restaurant with my peeps — my mom, hubby, and Lewie.  The second was to go on a romantic weekend trip to Manchester, VT, with hubby.  Lucky for me--I got both my wishes!  

Here is our dinner at the GW Restaurant in Washington, CT.

For our trip to Manchester, VT, Lew and I stayed at the Equinox Resort. It was our first trip without Little Lewie since he was born 17 years ago!  I chose the resort because we knew it well — we went on vacation here fifteen years ago, when Lewie was less than two years old.  

It was interesting going to the same place without a toddler. For one, Lew and I had a chance to dine out at several restaurants and explore the town--something we didn't have the luxury of doing with a squirmy little one in tow.  Second, I had a chance to go for both a massage and a yoga hike! The massage was planned, but the yoga hike was completely spontaneous. The resort offered it as a complementary service. Once I learned the details (hiking half an hour uphill to a mountain lake for an hour of yoga before hiking back down), I was all in. The BEST part of the experience is that when I arrived at the meeting point on Monday morning, I learned that I had the yoga instructor all to myself. We clicked immediately, as if we had been best friends for an eternity, and she showed me a few gentle yoga moves I could do at home to unwind.

Hubby greeted me after my yoga hike for a soak in their outdoor hot tub—the view was spectacular — and then we took a dip in the pool. While we were swimming, an 80-something-year-old water aerobics instructor invited us to join her class, and we had the best time ever. At first, my husband, citing his recent knee surgery, tried to get out of it. She laughed: "Welcome to the club! I've had surgery on both knees." She was fun, energetic, and limber. We joined three other ladies (60+) and laughed as we paddled and kicked through the water. Now, at 50, I've begun to realize I have more in common with this group than with my seventeen-year-old son... I admired our aerobics instructor, wishing that if I'm ever lucky enough to be eighty one day, I hope to have her vitality!

Interestingly, when I first entered the pool area (before our water aerobics), I began to sob. Memories of being in there with Little Lewie fifteen years before flashed before my eyes. It was one of his first pool experiences, Daddy Lew and I taking turns pushing him on his float as he giggled and giggled. 

After a full ten minutes, I finally composed myself--I hadn't had a good, long cry like that in ages. Perhaps the businesses of life suppressed it. No matter, it was needed. When we get older, we miss, of course, the youthful days of our childhood and our twenties. This cry wasn't about that. It was a longing for my thirties, the days of being a wife and a mom for the first time. Oh, how I wish I could relive those moments of Lewie's toddlerhood, even for just a day... The pool may have been empty, but my mind saw Daddy Lew, Little Lewie, and me in there splashing away like no time had passed at all...

During our trip, we also had a chance to drive to the Hildene, the Lincoln family home, after President Abraham Lincoln's death. We visited this place before, when Lewie was five, but the experience was different now that there were just the two of us, meandering around the property at our own pace. (I made sure to visit the gift shop before leaving--purchasing Vermont's specialties: yummy chocolate, maple candy, and cheddar cheese curds.)

On the last day, I had a chance to saunter around the Northshire Bookstore, a must-see not only for book-lovers but also for coffee drinkers, bakers, record-enthusiasts, crafters, and home decorators. (I bought a book called Keep Your Brain Alive by Katz and Rubin--the perfect self-gift for a 50-year-old that wants to remain sharp and relevant.)

Our trip lasted only two nights, but I arrived home feeling well-rested to tackle the last two months of the semester. (Well, almost... during my massage, the door to the massage room kept mysteriously opening. "What's going on?" I asked quizically as my masseuse closed it for the second time. "It's probably just the ghosts," she said, half serious, half laughing. "You know this place is haunted.") On my last night at the hotel, I slept with a few lights on... still, it was the perfect trip to welcome in a new decade.