Top Ten Tuesday: Have you been abducted by clutter?

Okay, so blogging and forming relationships online takes a lot of time. A lot of time that, apparently, I don’t really have. I obviously don’t want to sacrifice spending time with my little one or my hour of exercise each day. I also don’t want to sacrifice time with hubby. (He’s already saying that the blogging is interfering with our sex life.) So what’s the first thing to go? Yes, the house. I’m sorry. I know you provide shelter for us, and I’m so thankful, but I simply don’t have the time to keep up with your list of demands. And so, the clutter keeps piling up.

We all have clutter in our lives to one degree or another. It’s burdensome, it’s annoying, and it’s definitely not fung shei. In fact, many books suggest the path to true happiness (even enlightenment) is saying no to clutter and yes to organization. Like it’s that simple. I mean really…whoever subscribes to this philosophy obviously doesn’t have any kids at home. Half the clutter (in my house anyways) involves toys, batteries, diaper stuff, and laundry. If I said no to clutter, then I would have to say no to having children, and guess what, it’s too late for that!

Okay, so I don’t have any miracle remedies on how to stop the disorder and chaos in our lives. I don’t know the magic button that would tidy our homes and free our souls. So, I say, if you can’t beat it, laugh about it. Here, in no particular order, are the top ten signs that our lives have been abducted by clutter, and we are headed on the path of doom.

10) You’ve forgotten what your kitchen table looks like and can’t remember the last time you’ve eaten as a family there.

9) The game “Hide and Seek” has an entirely new meaning at your house. You make sure to hide your junk when guests come over. After they leave, you spend the next few days seeking out where the hell you hid all your stuff.

8) You need to wear a helmet every time you open the closet door.

7) You discover that you’ve washed the same laundry twice because your clean clothes sat in a disheveled heap for weeks.

6) Going through the expiration dates of all the pill bottles in your medicine cabinet is like playing an advanced game of Sudoku.

5) Every time you sit on the couch, a Monopoly playing piece gets wedged up your butt.

4) You can’t exit the house without tripping on a SpongeBob SquarePants rubber lawn dart.

3) You find that your kid signed his autograph three years ago in a dust mound that’s formed on your bookcase. “Lewie was here ‘07.”

2) Friends and family members begin apologizing for your own mess. What they say: “Oh, I’m so sorry to be pestering you. Maybe this isn’t a good time.” Translation: “Holy Toledo, it looks like a cyclone just ripped the house apart! We’ll come back when the mess is gone and the house has been fumigated.”

1) You’re constantly ticking off cashiers at Wal-Mart by insisting they honor your expired coupons.

Oh, and this one is a bonus:

Your neighbors have called an intervention on you because they think you're a hoarder and your house is a fire hazard.