Tick, Tick, Tick
"What are you talking about? You have so many toys to play with and things to do," she'd reply.
"I've played with everything already, Mom. I don't know what to do....I'm soooo bored."
Okay, I'll spare you from the rest of the boring conversation. I laugh at the absurdity of this now because today, no matter how hard I try, I'm never bored. Okay, let me rephrase this...My goal is not to be bored. My goal is to make more time for myself to think, reflect, and be in the moment, especially when it comes to spending time with my Lil' Lewie. However, each time I try to make this into a concrete goal, I can't stop the nagging inner voice from inside my head that says something like this:
"Annette, you should probably take a few minutes to call Citibank. You know they overcharged you on your last bill. The interest rate was supposed to stay at 1.9%."
"You're running out of food in the fridge, Annette. It doesn't look like you have anything decent to make for tonight's dinner."
"Your poor students are waiting to get their papers back, Annette. Don't you think they deserve to have their grades by now?"
"Your CVS coupon for $10 off a $25 purchase is going to expire today if you don't use it. I think you need to make a quick stop."
The list of these nagging comments can go on forever, and yet, I don't know how to make it stop. The clock keeps ticking away, and I'm pressed with an endless "to-do" list and a guilty conscious that says I need to make the most of these precious days with Lil' Lewie because once they're gone, I can never get them back.
At the moment, my only solution is to reserve this special "savor the moment" time on the weekends but even then, my "to-do" list creeps into the picture like a dark shadow in a horror movie.
Today I am ever more conscious that I need to quell these nagging thoughts when they arise and learn to create a schedule that satisfies both my mommy time and my "to-do list" time. Do you struggle with the same day to day anxieties/worries? Have you found a perfect schedule that makes you satisfied on both ends? I'd love to hear your opinions...
at 3:01 AM