Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Signs It's That Time of the Month...


I still remember the days of my childhood. Like most, I was too concerned with growing up and spent much time wondering what it would be like to be a woman. Yes, for some idiotic, strange, dumb, silly (you can fill in the blank) reason, I thought it would be cool to get my period. I obsessed with it...that is...until I got it. Now, I'm looking forward to menopause (but from what I understand...that's not much fun either). So, what can I do? I can sit here and curse the day that my blasted "friend" ever came, or I can make fun of my irregular, irritable, heavy, obnoxious (you can fill in the blank again if you wish) time of the month. The only time I enjoyed it was during my pregnancy. That's right because I didn't have it for those 40 glorious weeks. (Of course, I had other things like nausea, heartburn, and cankles, but that's another story all together.)

Here they no particular order...The Ten Signs that It's That Time of the Month:

10. You look in the mirror only to notice that you've broken out like a 13 year old school girl again. You wouldn't mind. Acne is a sign of adolescence--of youth--except that every time you examine a zit, you notice a new wrinkle too.

9. You immediately start giving the finger to every bad driver on the road. You don't have the patience to deal with other drivers’ shortcomings. It's not road's called MHIS (Mobile Hormonal Imbalance Syndrome).

8. You look underneath the bathroom cabinet only to recognize that you're out of all maxi pads and tampons--Murphy’s Law.

7. You avoid the scale at all costs; you know that bloated feeling probably constitutes for an additional 10 pounds of water weight gain. Really. Who wants to weigh themselves when they feel like they resemble the likes of the Pillsbury Doughboy?

6. Your stomach feels tied up in knots--seriously, like two people are pulling each end in opposite directions as tightly as they can possibly manage. Yes, taking Midol is supposed to be the cure. I say having a sex change is...

5. Every compliment turns into an argument.
Husband: "You look so beautiful in that dress."
You: "Bite me!"

4. Your family members go into hiding for the week. They only come out for breakfast and dinner, and that's only if they're really starving.

3. You cry while watching comedies like Weekend at Bernie's and There’s Something about Mary. Even silly movies toy with your feelings and turn you into an emotional basket case. Your inner dialog sounds something like this: "That poor Bernie...if only he was still alive...WHAAAH...sniff be part of those...sniff...beach parties. Why can't...sniff sniff...I a beach house like that? Oh, that's so $@#*!@% (fill in the blank) unfair! That bastard!”

2. You have that "not so fresh" feeling.

1. Your husband becomes an emotional punching bag. You curse the day that men ever walked the planet, and you remind your husband how inferior he is to your sex.

You:  "You would never be able to handle my cramps, and you would never ever be able to handle giving birth. I was in that hospital for twelve hours with the most intense contractions of my life pushing out a bowling ball through an opening the size of a pinhole."

Husband: Silence. (He's not a fool. He knows he can't win this argument.)

And finally, if you're reading this while having your time of the month, then I guess the female cycle is so powerful that it can even regulate itself to match mine through cyberspace. (There's a reason why all women under the same roof end up getting it at the same time--to make men's lives hell on earth. Hey, we need some form of retribution.)

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  1. Maybe your post will bring it on. I've been all of the above and waiting for a week now. Hmmm. Wonder what all of that is about. My family hasn't learned the "go into hiding" trick; they just look at me and wonder "what's up with Mom?" and proceed to ask me some completely irrational, everyday sort of question like "What's for dinner?" Then, I go off, again. Not my proudest parenting moments I assure you; just can't seem to bridle that tongue of mine during that time of the month!

  2. I always know it's that time of the month when I get bone tired and wish I could sleep for hours on end.

  3. It's awful to say it, but I don't have any changes at all around my period, except feeling a tiny bit grumpy. I'm so lucky. My husband may think differently BTW!!

  4. Hi there. I just returned to this world after nearly 6 years! Unbelievable what a few pregnancies and many hours of breastfeeding will do!

    Your post is funny (and true). I have to say I become a demon with PMT.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog - love that you did. I am following you now.

  5. LOL. I love number five. Poor guys can never win, can they?!

  6. OMGosh LOL loved this post!!!! I could relate on so many levels

    stopping by from FMBT and am your newest follower

  7. I've been known to "educate" people on their bad driving skills during my monthly visit. If you look at any of my vlogs from last week, it's completely obvious that my dear Auntie Flow was paying me a visit.

  8. loving your blog! i'm your newest follower :)


  9. Love this! I am a now following you from the tuesday hops.If you haven't already I hope you will stop by and follow me too! Check out my giveaways!

  10. I love number true.

    I found your blog on Follow me Back Tuesday! Have a great night.

  11. What a great blog!! I am really enjoying looking around. Thanks for sharing!! I am now a new follower!! Nicole @ BTW I found you on Bloggy Blog Hop!!

  12. lol Waaaaay past all of this. Thanks for the follow from TTA. I'm your newest fan! Monique xx

  13. Thanks for the follow, right back at ya! Can't wait to get caught up!

    And #5 made me laugh out loud..classic!!

  14. This was a funny post! I needed a good laugh. I like the one with the compliment turns into an argument. Ha! It is something that men do not have to deal with this. They really do not know how much goes each month. Yeah, brealing out is a pain! Thank you for your comment about my daughter. I wrote an update. I have been beside myself. I appreciate your warm wishes.

    Mama Hen

  15. Can't believe no one mentioned craving chocolate! I'm right there with Kristy about feeling bone tired and wanting to sleep for days on end, too.

  16. I am so there! Thanks for making me laugh this morning!

  17. Seriously! i think those hormones are coming thru the computer! I am never around any other woman (3 guys at home) . Was just about to pass out from this damn thing whoopin my butt (hadn't got it in 2 mos so i think it makes it worse) when i found your post. funny.

  18. Love this! Incredibly accurate...I do tend to get a little bit of road rage at that time of the month :) And the boys go into hiding, Scotty doesn't even fight quiet time!

  19. This had me cracking up!!! My son is a teenager now and just hides in his room, even to the point of preparing his own meals.

    My sister and I are on the same cycle even when we don't live together, and when we do, watch out!!! And keep chocolate in the house.


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